This isn't going to be a usual blog post for me. No jokes or funny stories. In fact, this blog is more for me, so keep reading if you really want. I have a problem with internalizing some of my sadness so I figured I'd help myself by blogging about what I'm feeling.
This past week has been a blur of sadness and confusion. How could this happen? And why, out of all people, did this have to happen to Bennett?
The words from the funeral still echo in my mind over and over again. "Bennett had so much life ahead of him. He was going to do great things". What makes this whole tragedy harder is that I couldn't agree more. Bennett was only 14 and just about to enter high school. He had tons of opportunities ahead of him, and even more lives to touch.
What has been ripping me apart is the question "Why did this happen to Bennett?". They were just being teenagers. They were just friends, harmlessly celebrating the end of middle school. I don't know what the news has said, but they weren't drinking, or trying to break into the school. They were just being innocent good kids. My neighbor told me a story that both broke my heart and somehow filled it at the same time. My brother, my neighbor's son, Bennett, and his Dad were riding in a golf cart. My neighbor's son reached out to try to grab an apple and fell off the moving golf cart. Bennett's first reaction was to jump off the cart saying, "I'll help you, Buddy!"
And that's just how he died years later. When his friend fell and broke his arm, whether Bennett said it out loud or not, he was climbing down that ladder with the idea in mind, "I'll help you, Buddy!"
So why then? Why did this happen to a kid who was just trying to help? Many people think, "It's God's plan", but it's not. A pastor told us (and I also believe this) God may know your entire life before you do, and he may know when and how you will die, but he doesn't control whether your foot steps on a live wire or not. He doesn't move a foot two inches to the left so it will come in contact with an electric wire. God may have known when Bennett would die, but he certainly didn't "kill" him.
How does something like this happen then? My mom told me God leaves it up to free will. But I say, it wasn't Bennett's "will" to step on a live wire. So if it wasn't God's will and it wasn't Bennett's will, then how? How did this happen? The more I think about it, the more I realize, its something bigger. It's something that I as a human could never understand. I just have to learn that many things are beyond my understanding, and hold firmly to the idea that good things can arise from tragedies.
Yesterday I attended his funeral, and I'll admit, I sobbed like a baby. I could use this time to tell countless stories I've heard about just how wonderful a kid Bennett was, but I fear tears may come back and I'm not strong enough for that right now. If you get a chance in the future, come ask me about Bennett. Ask me about the kid who touched my life in such a brief but powerful way. Ask me about the kid who touched thousands of lives in only 14 years.
If there is any way to end my thoughts, it's this. I only knew Bennett through my brother's birthday parties and sports practices. I drove him to practices, dropped him off from play-dates, and led his scavenger hunt group at birthdays. But every single time I looked back in my rearview mirror and saw his smiling face, I thought to myself, "If I had a son, I would want him to be exactly like Bennett".
Bennett, you will be missed more than you could ever imagine! I will be praying for you and your family. It was a blessing to even get the smallest moment with you. Rest in Peace Bennett Rill! You are so loved.
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| Bennett Rill July 8th, 1998 - June 18th, 2013 |
