Level 1: The first level is when something happens that makes you feel like you’re part of the Mean Girls movie... “She doesn’t even go here!” Enough said.
Level 2: The second level isn’t too bad if you are good at small talk. This is when you go somewhere with two people. One person you know really well, while the other person… not so much. Everything is going great until the person you know leaves you for a minute and you are left with the person you don’t know. This is only awkward if you don’t really know what to say to them. In this case, (if you are at lunch or dinner) you can take a really, really big bite of food to discourage any conversation, or you can just tough it up and start small talking.
Level 3: The third level is when you think you know someone, so you say hello, but then you realize it’s not them after they give you funny look OR someone knows you, but you completely forget their name.
Level 4: The fourth level happens to me all the time at church. I’m an Usher so I stand in the back with the other teen Ushers. When the sign of peace comes I’m usually sweating bullets thinking about it. (not really… that’s gross. but you get the point) I’m trying to decide who to hug and who to just shake hands with. Have you ever been in this kind of situation? It’s not helpful that one of the girl ushers knows EVERYONE so she just hugs them all. This is bad because then if I decide it’s too weird to hug one person, then they might feel left out that they were the only one who didn’t get a hug from me. Ehhh so confusingL I usually just go for the hug unless the person sticks out their hand for a handshake before I get to them.
Level 5: The fifth level is that high-five you THOUGHT was for you but it turns out that it was for the person behind you… yes, this has happened to me. This situation is even worse when you see the person you accidentally high-fived many times after the incident.
Level 7: The seventh level is when you’re in a crowded large area like a dining hall or grocery store (if you are at home). As you are walking around, you bump into someone you know so you do the polite thing and say Hello. You proceed to go your separate ways, but then you run into them again like 5 minutes later. You both kinda laugh it off and say Hello again before you part ways for the second time. And then it happens…. Again. You see them a THIRD time. You try to make a lame joke about it saying something like “do you have a twin, or something?” laugh it off, then leave again. Then it happens a fourth time. This time you try to make awkward small talk, or laugh feebly before leaving them. At this point, you try to avoid them. If you see them at a distance, you start to head the other way. If they’re over in the fruit and vegetable section…. Well suddenly you want milk…. Really bad. If they decide they want milk too and you make eye contact from afar, the next thing you do is grab two of the nearest products to you and start comparing the ingredients… very carefully. Get to know what Riboflavin really is. This will give you an excuse not to make more unwanted eye contact.
Level 8: The eighth the case when you see some one you kinda know, but kinda don’t. You know what I mean. It’s that person who was in your freshman class in high school and you sorta talked to them then, but ever since you haven’t said a word to them. You know their name but you’re not sure if they remember yours.
So one college day you see that person while walking to class and if you’re like me, you think… “I didn’t even know they went here! I wonder if they remember me? I remember them. We were kinda friends. Oh gosh, now I’m staring” then you awkwardly look down, but the whole time you’re thinking “Should I say hi? Or wave? Or would that be weird. What if they have no idea who I am.” Meanwhile, the distance between you is getting smaller and suddenly you have to make a decision. Usually in this case it’s a lose-lose situation and you were doomed from the start. If you don’t say hi, you feel guilty and wonder if they are sad that you didn’t acknowledge them. If you wave and they don’t wave back then it’s just super awkward. Sometimes they wave back, but usually they have that look on their face like :/ Most of the time I just smile at them and hope for the best.
Level 9: The ninth and final level is a lot like level 8, but usually worse because you definitely KNOW the person and you know you are gonna have to say hi. The awkwardness usually starts when you’re walking down a long and straight path. The path always has to be long and straight to maximize the awkwardness and make the build up long and painful.
So you see the person 50 yards away and they see you. You make that split second of eye contact and you both know what’s coming. You’re gonna have to say hi, but the problem is WHEN to say it. If you say it to early then you have to go through that long silent pause afterwards where you just keep on walking by. Plus then you’re kinda shouting to be heard at that far distance. You have to wait for just the right moment. The problem is… you’ve already made eye contact so you both know it’s coming. You usually pick up pace to close the distance faster. Suddenly, 50 yards seems like a mile. Then, your mind goes into overdrive. Your eyes start darting around because you don’t know where to look. You can’t look at them just yet because the distance between you is still to far for that, but if you look straight down you just look sad. I usually choose a nearby tree to stare at, or if I’m lucky, there will be a random squirrel on the ground eating something, so I just look at that and pretend like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. Sometimes I stare at my phone like a have a text, or I’m checking the time. ANYTHING to avoid more eye contact. You glance up to check the distance and make eye contact again. Now you just have to go for it but you need to drag it on as long as possible to avoid the long pause afterwards. For me it usually goes like this…
Me: Heeeeeeeeeeeeyy! J
Other person: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! J
Me: (next logical sentence that comes to my scrambling mind) How are yooouuu? (even though at this point I only half care….) :/
Other person: Goooooooood :/
Me: Alright… See you later :/
Other person: (nervouse chuckle) ok byyyeee! :/
By dragging out the greeting it usually takes away a few seconds which is good because at this point you’re both desperate.
I think we need a universal signal of understanding for these types of situations since we all have experienced some of them…. And if you haven’t… well then you’re just really lucky.
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