Favorite Fictional Characters

Inigo Montoya (The Princess Bride)

I tend to be attracted to the funny characters in movies because this world needs characters that laugh in the face of danger, and don't take anything too seriously. Inigo is definitely an older character compared to the others on this list, but he's still great. He is kind-hearted, loyal, driven and amusing. His swordsmanship is wonderful and the fact that he helped the masked man up the cliff in order to fight him shows that he is a good sport, because a good sport knows that without the opponent, there is no game. If you haven't watched the Princess Bride recently (or *gasp* ever) I suggest you do. You'll pick up on all the little things that make Inigo Montoya such a wonderful character. Because he's so much more than just, "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Also.. That dude can get stabbed like 7 times and still survive. #LifeGoals

Ron Swanson (Parks and Recreation)

This is when I realized that I loved Ron Swanson and sort of definitely wished he was my Uncle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cDoqp70SGs

Luke Skywalker (Star Wars)

Luke Skywalker is the shit. I grew up with Star Wars. I grew up watching a moisture farmer become a hero. Like every other Star Wars fan, Luke made me want to grab a lightsaber and become a Jedi like my father before me. A lot of people say he's whiny, but I think you would be too if you lived on a desert planet and the fate of the galaxy depended on whether or not you could convince your Dad to stop murdering people and blowing up other planets. I'm sorry, but that's a lot more stress than any grad school. Someone once told me that Luke Skywalker was lame. I told them they needed to go home and rethink their life choices.

Stewie Griffin (Family Guy)

Stewie is my spirit animal- if an animated baby can be a spirit animal that is. He's a sassy, classy, genius baby with a british accent. If Stewie was real, we'd be constantly hanging out drinking wine in our fur coats, while talking about smart things like Shakespeare and how to take over the world. Stewie is easily the funniest character on Family Guy and he really doesn't take shit from anyone.

Bellatrix LeStrange (Harry Potter)

I think I like Bellatrix so much because Helena Bonham Carter does such an amazing job at portraying her. She's absolutely crazy and I love it! If you're going to be bad, own it. Own the evil, own the bad guy style, and own your crazy. J.K. Rowling really nailed her bad guys and I think Bellatrix is a great example of that. Sure! She tortured Neville's parents into insanity, but she's also an awesome witch, and you can't discount that. Sometimes I like rooting for the bad guys. Even though I do feel pretty bad about the whole Neville situation.

Jasmine (Aladdin)

Although Aladdin is not my favorite classic Disney movie, I have to say Jasmine is one of my favorite fictional characters. She is smart, and has a real, believable personality unlike some of her Princess counterparts. Like, are we really expected to believe that a 19 year old orphan girl is going to be completely okay with being a servant for her abusive step-mother and step-sisters and fall madly in love with a man who doesn't have a real name and doesn't say a single word to her for the whole night? No. No we are not, Cinderella. Anyway, I think the most important part about Jasmine, besides the fact that she is a pretty capable female Disney character, is that she OWNS A PET TIGER!!!! Like, don't we all wish we owned an f-ing tiger?

Andy Dwyer (Parks and Recreation)

Everyone loves a lovable idiot. I'm a dog person and I think Andy is basically the closest thing to a human version of a dog. Andy always tries to help even though most of the time he does the complete opposite. He makes a lot of mistakes but he's always on his friends' side even if he has no idea what that entails. He'd be a great friends because he's good with law enforcement encounters...

He gets science...

He'd protect you...

And he could make boring things loads of fun...

Schmidt (New Girl)

I love Schmidt's high anxiety controlling intense nature. Could I live with him? Definitely not. I'd be able to buy a new car with all the money that would be in that douchebag jar, but it's all good fun. He is very into his appearance in a funny no so manly way and he works too hard at impressing people at his job, but at the end of the day Schmidt's got your back and he's down for a good old game of True American anytime. Despite his "schmidt-ness" I will always love him as a character.

Tony Stark (Iron Man)

Kind of a dick, but in all honesty, it works. Plus, it means he doesn't take bad guys too seriously. Power move. Don't let your enemies see you sweat. I wish I could be like Tony Stark when it comes to danger. Not too concerned, but will kick your butt with my million dollar supersuit if I need to. I think one of the reasons I like the character Tony Stark is because he's true to who he is. I know that sounds super cheesy, but it's true. Who else do you know that owns the fact that they are a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist? He always has witty comebacks, and after all the "I'm a huge jerk" facade he puts on, he truly does love the people he cares about and will fight for them.

Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Loves rum. So do I. Makes it up as he goes. So do I. Wears eyeliner. So do I. Owns a pirate ship... Well, you get the point. When I was little, I used to want to move to Ocracoke Island and sail the seven seas with Blackbeard's ghost. Now I know that will obviously never happen, so I will do something more achievable... sail the seven seas with Captain Jack Sparrow. Because everyone knows ghosts aren't real. Jack, on the other hand, is very real. Now, bring me that horizon!

Surrender! A Video Game Memoir

Recently, my brother got the new Star Wars Battlefront game which I've taken a liking to. However, I am far from being good at it. Nevertheless, my endeavors with it have been very amusing.

There's this game mode I've been trying called "Heroes" where you can play as the Rebels: Han, Luke, or Leia, or the Empire: Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, or Boba Fett.

I played as all of them so I could "review" each of their abilities.

Han and Leia aren't that exciting. Typical, right? They don't have any powers in the movies so why would they be any more exciting in the game? Their run is like a duck waddle though, and Han jumps like a ballerina so that's... cool. Boba Fett- also not my favorite. Mainly because he says stupid shit while you attack someone like, "You're out of your league, Princess". Clearly Boba doesn't believe in feminism and is still bitter about his Return of the Jedi fate. ;)

Vader and Palpatine are pretty sweet. Their powers are awesome and accurate. Their verbal taunts not so much. I think Battlefront missed the mark with all the characters on that one. When Vader says, "FEEL the POWER of my LIGHTSABER!" it's.... cringeworthy to say the least.

Luke is by far my favorite. However, I am terrible at playing as him. In my defense, the game doesn't tell you how to play. It just sort of plops you down, gives you a lightsaber, and says, "Good luck! Hope you figure it out! Don't die!" But I managed. I ran around the map using my one chance to "force push/kill" a stormtrooper, only to knock over some boxes while the stormtrooper kept shooting me, completely unharmed, all the while Luke is saying, "I warn you not to underestimate my powers."

Good one, Luke. You know, if we're going to taunt the enemy like that, maybe we should, you know.... ACTUALLY HIT THEM INSTEAD OF THE BOXES!!!!

But it was fine. I pressed on, deciding that maybe standing out in the open so I could actually see who was shooting me would help. Big mistake.

I became surrounded by stromtroopers. As they all shot at me, I panicked and started wildly swinging my lightsaber around, while Luke shouted, "SURRENDER!!". This must be what chaos looks like.

Is this what being a Jedi was about? I was truly channeling Luke Skywalker as I frantically slashed my lightsaber through the air, hitting no one and getting shot by everyone.

Finally, I managed to take cover and noticed that I actually had computer minions that were supposed to follow me around and help me. Umm, hey guys, where the hell were you 5 minutes ago when I was out there GETTING PULVERIZED BY STORMTROOPERS!?!? NO NO. DON'T TOUCH ME! I'm fine.

It was time to end this. As me and my group of minions ran after the stromtroopers, Luke shouted one last taunt, "I am a Jedi, like my father before me!" and then got shot in the face by a blaster. Luke and I are great at timing our taunts perfectly.

Somehow. Somehow, I won that game.

I guess I should thank my minions. They were probably running around collecting points while I stood in the middle of the map spazzing out. I guess I'm not a completely incompetent hero.

Overall, fun game. I may not be good at playing it, but I'm good at trying, and my Kindergarten teacher once told me that trying is all that matters.

Not Everyone Can Be John Williams

The other day, I was sitting in my church listening to the young adult choir belt out a song they had clearly just learned, while the mixed band of bell ringers, brass, woodwinds, drums, piano, electric guitar, and any other instrument that makes noise, feverishly tried to keep up. In their defense, it is a volunteer music group and their director (who is supposed to keep them all together) plays the piano so his hands are not able to wave around in the air directing everyone. As I sat there listening to the "music", I thought about this one day in middle school band class.

Yes, I was in band in middle school. Played the Clarinet... quite mediocrely I might add. But who's bragging?

So our teacher Mrs. Dreager was absent that day. And that's pretty much how chaos started.

Our poor substitute probably knew nothing about directing an entire band of puberty-ridden kids with instruments. Our class-time started with our sub raising his hands thinking, this must be how John Williams does it.

And then wham! Musical abomination happened. The saxophones started playing the Star Wars theme song, while the flutes played what they were supposed to play. The clarinets missed our intro measure so we all just held the instrument in our mouth pretending to play. The brass played loudly, but very off time, a few of the trumpets made that horse whinny sound that's at the end of the Sleigh Ride song, and the percussion just banged on the drums.

When it was all finished, the sub just looked at us and said, "Well, I think that sounds pretty good. Let's try it again."

And that's when we all learned a very important lesson: Not everyone can be John Williams

I Once Met A Student...

Sometimes people are weird. Sometimes people are funny. Sometimes people are weird and funny. Most of the time these people are college students.

Freud's Theory of Oral Fixation
In any psychology class, Freud is bound to come up. Thankfully, most psychology teachers/professors are smart enough to realize that many of Freud's theories are to be taken with a grain of salt. In one of my classes, we got on the topic of Freud's stages of development in which he talks about his fixation beliefs, one of which being oral fixation. My professor begins to talk about how Freud believed that oral fixation could manifest itself in adult behaviors and then asked for examples of orally fixated behaviors we could observe. Without hesitation, this girl across the room from me shouts out, "Chewing gum!" and then glances at this dude chewing gum next to her. He stops mid chew and says to the class, "I'm not orally fixated, okay?"

Missing Pinky Toes
My Sociology professor likes to talk about topics that get a reaction from the class. The other day we were talking about one of these topics and I happened to be sitting in front of a rather talkative student. He doesn't talk out loud in class, he just kind of makes comments to himself about whatever the professor is saying. My professor starts to talk about what types of bodily changes people make for beauty. We start with the easy stuff like tattoos, piercings, hair dye, etc. We then move into the slightly more controversial lip injections, implants, botox, etc. Then my professor goes for the shocker. Here's how the conversation between her and the commentating boy that only I can hear behind me went...
Professor: "So you know the thing that women do for the high heels?"
Boy: "oh god..."
P: "They chop off their pinky toe!"
B: "Say WHAT!?!?"
P: "This is so they can fit into those pointed heels"
B: "Man, women are crazy!"
P: "Do you want to know what men do?"
B: "Nooo.."
P: "It has to do with their... reproductive parts..."
B: "Oh nooo. No. I don't want to-"
P: "They get implants to enlarge their testicles and penis!"
B: "You mean they don't chop them off??"
God, I had a such a hard time not giggling at this poor kid practically squirming behind me. He was very engrossed by my professor's shocking stories.

Naturalized Americans
We were going over examples of rituals in one of my classes with my very old, hard-of-hearing professor. One boy raises his hand and gives the example of singing the national anthem before sporting events. My professor incorrectly hears, "Naturalizing Americans before sporting events" and proceeds to give us a lecture about the process of becoming a citizen, adding, "I don't know what sporting events has to do with it! That didn't make any sense to me!" It's a good thing she couldn't really hear the class laughing.

Fun Facts
It seems like syllabus week at college has become syllabus and get-to-know-your-classmates-by-sharing-a-fun-fact week. Every single one of my classes this semester had us do this. It got to the point where I completely made up a fun fact about myself because who's really going to remember these? Heck, I sometimes forget the name of the person who just introduced themselves to me, and I'm not even joking about that. Anyway, I do remember one guy's "fun fact" if you want to even call it that. As we are going around the class hearing things like "My favorite food is mac and cheese" and "I can play 3 different instruments", we get to this boy who, with a completely straight face, says, "My fun fact is that I want this class to publicly humiliate me if I do bad on a test. I think this will help me do well in this class." WTF dude?!?! Are you serious? THAT'S your fun fact? I mean, is this really a fun fact, or this this just some weird-ass comment he's going to regret later? I'll let you decide.

Luke Skywalker's Right Hand
In my developmental class we were talking about technology that would reroute the nerves in an amputee's lost limb to their brain so they could control a false limb with their brain like a normal limb. My teacher asked if we thought that this technology was possible in the future of science. The quiet boy who sits behind me mumbles to himself, "They already figured that out 35 years ago when they gave Luke Skywalker a new right hand." I think he should speak up next time.

Hank
On this first day of one of my psychology classes, my teacher was going through the roll-call asking us if we went by a nick-name. She gets to this girl with long brown hair named Sarah, who corrects her saying, "Actually, I go by Hank". And now we all call Sarah, Hank. So that's Hank.

Almond Milk
Most people bring snacks to class. Some people even bring a meal. I've seen everything from a Starbucks PSL to a burger and fries. I've also seen an entire quart of almond milk. This girl in my class brings fruit and a giant quart of almond milk with a straw in it. I've never seen anything like it. The dude next to her drinks water out of a gallon jug of water. She drinks almond milk out of a quart of almond milk. And no shits are given. Cheers to almond milk and weird classmates!

Charming

When I was little, I really wanted a pet that would be all mine. I went through the whole process of explaining to my parents how I would be responsible and caring and love the pet. I wanted a ferret. My mom wanted a snake. We settled on a parakeet. And so began 15 years of being a "bird person".

The first bird I got was a green and yellow parakeet I named Jessie. She was presumably a female, but her gender was about as ambiguous as the name "Jessie" is. Probably a girl... slight chance it's a guy. A year following Jessie, my brothers decided having a pet bird was pretty cool... thus Mars and Curtis came to be. After years of having these birds (13 years to be exact), they succumbed to old age. Curtis was the last one around and during the last year of his life, we started talking about how weird it would be not having any birds after years of them. I think my parents were secretly eager for the day we'd be bird-free.

And then a couple of years ago, Charming happened. My neighbors had found a small blue and yellow parakeet flying around their car trying to eat the rubber on their tires. Knowing we were the only ones in the neighborhood with parakeets, they assumed we had lost him, so they caught him and brought him over to us. I told them we would take him for now and give him food and water until we figured out who his owner might be. We never found his owner, and we ended up falling in love with this little bird. And so, just as soon as we thought Curtis would be the last, Charming unexpectedly joined the family.

Charming was so different than the other three birds we had owned. He was extremely friendly and he had personality. He bobbed his head to music, and tried to imitate noises he heard. He chirped louder when he heard his name because he knew you were talking about him. He'd try to squeeze out of his cage just to be closer to you. He'd kiss your nose if you put it up to his cage. He would run back and forth on his perch when it was time for food because he was trying to guess which door your hand would come through first so he could jump on it. He fell in love with people too easily and tried to regurgitate his food as a sign of affection towards them, which in reality just ended up scaring them off. He meant well.

Unfortunately, he got sick yesterday and died early this morning. Birds tend to hide their sick symptoms until it's too late. Apparently that's an instinct. I wish we could've helped him, or at least known something was wrong sooner. I'll never know what killed him, I just know he was still way too young to die.

As a bird person, I didn't think you could get that attached to them as a pet.

But now as my Dad plays music while I write this, I'm realizing just how much I'll miss Charming chirping along trying to be louder than the music to make sure I know he's still there. I'll miss him chirping in the morning trying to talk to the birds he hears outside. I'll miss him chirping as we all eat dinner together. And I'll miss him running over my laptop keyboard trying to get my attention as I try to get work done.

I used to tell him that if college didn't work out, we could become pirates together, and he could sit on my shoulder. Maybe he wasn't too fond of that idea.

Our house is a little quieter without birds, and it's a little less colorful without Charming. He died in my hands to the sound of the morning birds. I believe that's the best way to go. I'll miss him, but I think he loved us as much as we loved him.

May The Fourth Be With You

Little known fact, I am a huge Star Wars fan. I will geek out over Star Wars about as much as I geek out over Harry Potter. If you ever bring up Star Wars around me, be prepared. Now, I am super biased and I will always love the original trilogy way more than the prequels, but I flipped out over The Force Awakens trailer all the same. And since today is Star Wars day and it's been 38 years since the release of the first Star Wars, here are 38 pictures, quotes, and fun facts for you to enjoy on Star Wars Day!

Director, Irvin Kershner

"May the Force be with you" - Han Solo 

Some variation of the phrase "I have a bad feeling about this" is spoken in every film

Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca

Practicing with lightsabers

The Star Wars character Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader has been played by six different actors. They include David Prowse, James Earl Jones, Bob Anderson, Sebastian Shaw, Jake Lloyd, and Hayden Christensen.

The creature that pulls Luke underwater in the trash compactor scene in A New Hope is called a "Dianoga"

On the set of Empire Strikes Back, David Prowse's (Darth Vader) spoken line in the revelation scene was, "Obi-Wan killed your father," to help ensure secrecy. Only a few people knew that the line would actually be, "No. I am your father."

Alec Guinness and George Lucas

David Prowse, Peter Cushing, and Mark Hamill

"Try not. Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda

The idea for Chewbacca came from George Lucas' dog, Indiana

The Skywalker family was originally supposed to be dwarves

Getting ready to film the scene in ESB where Luke gets his hand cut off

Kenny Baker as R2-D2 (he was actually inside R2)

Vader: If you only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Vader: No. I am your father. 

Star Wars - A New Hope still remains the second highest domestic grossing film of all time with inflation adjusted (Empire, and Jedi are also in the top 15) Worldwide it is number 4

Luke Skywalker was originally going to be named Luke Starkiller and retained the name up until the film begin shooting.

"I love you" - Princess Leia
"I know" - Han Solo
This famous line was improvised by Harrison Ford

In his excitement, Mark Hamill (Luke) accidentally says "Carrie" instead of "Leia" in this scene

"I find your lack of faith disturbing" - Darth Vader

"Vader" is Dutch for "father"

George Lucas' birthday is May 14th. Every Star Wars film is released the week after his birthday.

R2 and C3PO (partly) out of costume

"Why you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder!" - Princess Leia 

Basically siblings in real life

R2-D2 is named after a piece of film editor's jargon. It means "reel 2, dialog 2".

Happy Star Wars Day everyone! May the fourth be with you:)

Crack Taylor Swift

I'm very skilled at some things. For example, whenever I have to get blood taken, I usually pass out. My Dad says, "That's not good!", but I like to think of it as a gift.

Our bodies are amazing. But our mind's interaction with our body is even more fascinating to me. Take my skill for example. I have something called blood/injury/injection phobia- specifically needles. Now it's weird because I'm not consciously afraid of needles. I don't go to the doctor scared to get a flu shot. Usually I'm happily chatting with the nurse when I get a shot. My mind is forcing itself to stay calm and act like nothing is happening.

However, my body's reaction is very different because the fear reaction is subconscious and out of my control. I'm always initially fine when I get said shot, or blood taken. But 2 minutes after it's done, my body flips out all on it's own. My heart rate drops, my blood vessels dilate, and all the blood rushes away from my brain causing me to pass out.

This doesn't happen every time though, and I like to think it's because I'm a mentally strong person when it comes to telling myself I'm okay. When I start to feel like I'm going to pass out, my mind kicks into overdrive and screams at my body to stay conscious. Normally this actually works. Just by telling myself "I will NOT pass out", I am able to stay semi-conscious. I say semi-conscious because what normally happens is my vision goes white, but I can still hear whats going on around me in a very low and slow-mo sort of style. It's sounds a lot like Dory trying to speak to whales. 

The last time this happened, I was getting a flu shot at CVS and I almost gave my mom a heart attack. After they gave me my shot, I walked to my car because I knew I might pass out soon, and I didn't want to do it in CVS. So I was just sitting in my parked car with the air on and my seat all the way back. I decided that if I called my mom and focused on just having a conversation, I'd be fine. Unfortunately this was not the case. When my mom answered, I was already starting to lose my vision and my ears were ringing (the beginning stages of passing out). I blabbed to my mom "I just got a flu shot, I'm trying not to pass out so keep talking to me, I'm in my car...." but then everything went white, I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, and my body was starting to slump so I dropped my phone.

Now keep in mind, my mom just heard me say I'm in my car and then the klunking noise of my phone dropping. I wasn't able to finish my sentence so she had no idea that I was in my PARKED car just trying to sit back. She thought I had just passed out while driving so she had a mini heart attack before I was able to regain my vision and find my phone. Lesson learned.

I've given up on trying to prevent myself from passing out when I go to the doctors though because normally I go to get blood taken, and that's way more stressful for my body than just a quick shot. My mind doesn't even attempt to stop my body from passing out, and the results are interesting. I always inform the doctor that I will most likely pass out and that it's not a big deal, it happens all the time, yadda yadda yadda.

So today was one of those days. The doctor just finished putting the band-aid on and I told her my head was starting to spin and asked for some water. Our brains are weird little things. The next thing I know, I'm listening to Taylor Swift sing "Shake It Off" on crack.

Everything in my vision is black but my mind is racing and I listening to the words, "Causetheplayersgonnaplayplayplayplayplayandthehatersgonnahatehatehatehatehate.." and... I'M OKAY WITH IT. That was the weirdest thing. I didn't find it odd that all of the sudden everything is sped up and dark and I have no idea what's going on but it's okay. This is cool. I like Taylor Swift. "I'mjustgonnashakeshakeshakeshakeshakeshakeitoffshakeitoff". Maybe she's on crack, but that doesn't change who she is. Is this what drugs are like? My doctor wouldn't like it if I were on drugs. Doctor haha. What a funny word. Wait. Shit. I'm at the doctor's still!

I opened my eyes to two nurses standing over me fanning me and telling me "You're okay now. You just passed out for a minute". They gave me ice, water, and worried glances.

Passing out is a weird feeling that most people hate, but if crack Taylor Swift is what my mind comes up with, then I'm totally okay with it.