The Dentist II

Every time I go to the dentist.

In my defense, their walls are a putrid yellow color soooo....

The original Dentist post

The Usual Checklist

Every time I come home from college, there is a checklist of "usual" things that happen. The first night home is always the best because I love the usual checklist.

#1: My dog, Dakota, pees in the driveway when I pull up because she's so excited to see me. I spend a solid 10 minutes provoking her into running in pointless circles around the yard. I've gotten over the fact that my neighbors probably think this is a weird interaction between person and dog. That's probably why they have cats.

#2: I immediately do some chores because that's how everyone is greeted upon arriving home.... right?

#3: I pick up my brother, Matt, from whatever sports practice he is at, and I'm reminded why I'm so glad to be done with high school. Oakton looks like a jail for misfit vampires. As we drive home, my brother and I catch up. We have deep conversations like, "Sup?" and "Cool." Does this make me a "Bro"? Crap. We actually catch up later though.

#4: I get back home and Dakota repeats #1 because her memory span is short. She is what some scholars would call "unintelligent".

#5: I sit like a potato on the couch and absorb the fact that I'm home.

#6: I wait for my youngest brother, David, to get home, and hide from him. It's a tradition for me to hide and make him search for me before he can give me a welcome home hug. But this time is different. He arrives home earlier than I expect. I am still sitting on the couch out in the open. But David is so excited that he runs past me, heading straight for my room. I sit in disbelief that he didn't even notice me on the couch. He eventually realizes it.

#7: Everyone is productive. My parents make the welcome home steak dinner. David unloads the dishwasher and sets the table. I am productive too! I chase Dakota around the kitchen, creating chaos and making her bark. I bark back causing her to bark more because she doesn't understand why I am barking at her. I know my family enjoys this because my dad is always like, "OKAY!!! That's enough!!!" aaaahh.... productivity.

#8: As dinner is ending, Dad and I make bets on if Dakota will eat a piece of broccoli if it's dipped on leftover steak juices. I say no. He says yes. We watch Dakota and treat it like a football game, cheering for her. She is confused and spits out the broccoli after licking off all the steak juice. I win. My Dad yells, "Nooooo!!!" and I yell, "Yeahhhh!". My Mom rolls her eyes. 

#9: David and I play wii for a little while. David gets serious about what game we're playing. I don't. I sing an annoying top 40 song throughout the entire game just to annoy him.

#10: I wind down for the night. Maybe I'll have dessert, maybe I'll visit my friend across the street, or maybe I'll hunt for flying pigs. Who knows? I'm home from college. Anything can happen.

Things I Love and Not Love About My iPhone 4s

LOVE- Siri. There are not enough words to be said about Siri. She is great. I can have an entire text conversation with someone without having to look at my phone. She can tell painfully dry jokes, she can sing with no tune at all, she can tweet for you, she can launch any app, she can tell you that the Redskins are getting crushed by every other football team in existence, and she can even bake you a freaking cake! Maybe I’m getting a little too excited about Siri. She can’t bake you a cake, but she can look up a picture of a cake! You can also change the language of Siri. There’s even a British Siri but “she” has a man voice so it gets kind of weird….

NOT LOVE- The phone is too big for your pockets (unless you're a guy and have mary-poppins’-never-ending-bag-pockets) so you have to carry it around in your hand like an awkward manchild.

LOVE- You can fast forward when listening to voicemail. Goodbye long rambling voicemails about ping-pong balls and morbidly obese chicken turtles.

NOT LOVE- The snooze time on the alarm is 9 minutes and you can’t change it. 9 freaking minutes! Whose idea was that?! Better yet, whose idea was it to make it so you can’t change it? I feel your pain OCD perfectionists. I feel your pain.

LOVE- You can make your ringtone or text alert just about anything. If you haven’t heard mine already, it’s Borat’s voice shouting, “You have new text message!!! Hi-five!!!” It’s the definition of annoying, but it’s more like an awesome annoying.

NOT LOVE- My phone automatically makes all my facebook friends my phone contacts so I have like a thousand phone numbers. If you’re reading this, I probably have your number…. Because my phone is creepy. I apologize for my phone being creepy.

LOVE- When you’re texting, all you have to do to put in a period is double space  It’s really nice because you don’t have to change the keyboard just to put in punctuation  However, I get too used to this and I start forgetting that you can’t just double space for everything so I end up writing sentences like this

NOT LOVE- If you’re typing something in google search and misspell a word, you have to delete everything just to fix the one word. 

LOVE- My calendar automatically adds everyone’s birthday so I don’t have to do it manually. It makes me look like I have a lot of friends.

NOT LOVE- The camera angle is awful when you’re trying to skype or make a facetime call. Seriously, no one looks good from this angle.

I hope you appreciate the extremely unflattering picture of me. You're welcome.