Passing Conversations

I didn't really have time at the end of the semester to write a real blog post, so instead I'm posting a list I've complied of the strangest snippets of conversations I've heard this past semester. Yes, I've been creepily taking note of the weird things I've heard people say throughout the semester, but I think it's rather funny. Sometimes I wish I could've heard more of their conversation because some of these things seem really out there. Enjoy! (Note: I added my commentary in black, pink represents something that was said by a girl and blue, a boy.... I think it adds a little something to a few of them if you know the gender of who said it... *cough* the one about Twilight)


Shit People Say In Passing Conversations

"And now her room is infested with them. They are literally crawling everywhere" I don't even want to know

"Momentum is like that awkward stepchild" Wait, you're talking about physics, right?

"That's not really something I want to put in my mouth, you know?"

"I was like 'Shit, I should probably put some pants on'"

"I prefer tender chicken thighs"
"No man. Chicken breasts are the best!"

"Wait, wait. Why don't we just cut his breaks? HAHAHAHA!!!" Should I be concerned for the safety of one of your friends?

"Yeah, I think putting it next to the peanuts will be more aesthetically pleasing" 

"But is it the same consistency as Nutella?"

"Yeah, if Snookie shows me hers first" Shows you her what exactly?

"The point of my story is that I have no pants now" And then you found 5 dollars

"I haven't taken notes in that class since last week"

"Are you kidding? I've never taken notes in that class" A+ students!

"If there's a grizzly bear, you probably need to hurry up" Umm, I'm pretty sure if you're close enough to see a grizzly bear while camping, you're already screwed

"People don't laugh with me, they laugh at me." Not something you want to be telling the world

"If you enjoy real meteorites we have one you can touch!"

"Unicorns and toads are real.... or at least unicorns are" Toads are definitely mythical, just like the tooth fairy and the Queen of England

"Oh my gosh! She's gonna be 20? That’s really old!"

"It was a total Twilight moment"

"You mean Twilight Zone moment?"

"No. I meant Twilight. Like the book about the vampires."

"The naughty things I would do to his sexy face"

"Elephant"

"Dude. Shut up"

"Elephant"

"Seriously man. Shut up"

"People have to earn my laugh"

"Let's go to her ceremony hammered!"

"That's why stalking is bad" Probably talking about Facebook... we all do it

"The fact that I ran around naked is extremely out of context" *probably my favorite. I don't even want to know what exactly they were talking about

"Make up a bunch of shit. Like say you're honest and trustworthy and stuff" That sounds like a good idea

"If I just do push-ups for the interview they'll definitely give me the job"

"Do you think Jesus recycled?" Umm probably not because I don't think they had plastic back then... but I'm not a scholar

"It's annoying how you can only reserve study rooms for two hours. You should be able to reserve that room for as long as you want your soul to waste away" Amen!

"I'm scratching the bridge of my nose, you know, because it's itchy"

"One time they injected morphine straight into my head. It was great"

Oh, college conversations.... always so intellectual:)

Things That Never Get Old

Blasting an awesome song in the car and singing at the top of your lungs with your friends

The old Oxi Clean commercials. Come on. You know you secretly miss hearing, "HI! I'M BILLY MAYS!" just a little

Morgan Freeman's voice. Also Liam Neeson's

Voldemorts laugh

The Backstreet Boys and/or N'Sync... if you're into that whole "who's better" thing

Classic movies and books

Sipping hot chocolate in the winter

Spongebob. There are a lot of things you don't pick up on as a kid... like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1FQ05yO5FE

Little kids telling you a joke

The cuteness of puppies. I got sidetracked for about 10 minutes while looking for a picture of puppies to post here

Capri Sun. I'm the person who sneaks in and grabs one at my brothers soccer game snack time. No shame

Anything chocolate

The 'Scooby Doo' theme song (You're thinking about it right now, aren't you?)

Playing jokes on your siblings. My best one was when I hid in the shower and waited until both of my brothers came in to brush their teeth. When I jumped out, they almost cried. It was hilarious

The original FreeCreditScore.com guys. You know you love them too

Disney movies

Ryan Seacrest. Seriously. Has that guy aged at all?

The song, 'Don't Stop Believing'. I've never heard anyone complain about the song when it comes on at a party. What does get old is the people who are serious about hitting the high note at the end

God. I'm pretty sure there's probably a Bible verse that says God never gets old

The movie, 'Mean Girls'. "You go Glen Coco!" P.S. Did anyone else know the guy who plays Glen Coco is kind of attractive. And by "kind of" I mean "very"

Top 40 songs.... hahaha I couldn't type that without laughing. Top 40 songs get old the 10th time you hear them on the radio

Bill Nye the Science Guy. Admit it. You'd pee your pants in excitement if your college professor told you he was going to put on a Bill Nye video instead of giving a lecture

Benjamin Button. He started out old, but technically never got older.

Watching people get the s*** scared out of them

Musicals

Anything with the label "90's kids..."i.e. Furbies, Lisa Frank school supplies, Full House, Lizzie McGuire, early Britney Spears... you know... before the whole shaving her head thing. Then again, this picture never gets old either.

Awkward Family Photos. I think it's because it makes us feel better about our family's awkwardness because they can never be as bad as these. Unless of course you're one of these families, in which case, I'm sorry
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/category/photos/awkward-hall-of-fame/

Summer

A 7-11 Slurpee after a run... or really just anytime

Dwight Schrute. The Office may get old, but Dwight Schrute never will
http://www.hulu.com/watch/55744

Backyard games. Capture the flag, laser tag, pickle, kickball, tag, etc. Who wouldn't jump for the opportunity to play one of those again. It brings out the kid in us

Keep Calm and Paint Happy Trees

Christmas this year....

Easter this year....

This weather needs to get its shit together!

(Also, I'm really proud of the happy snow covered pine trees I drew. Boss Ross taught me. It was pretty easy, just like he said! I nailed it. He'd be proud.)

We all need to just keep calm and paint happy trees, and we'll survive this weather crisis just like we survived the earthquake of 2012.

10 Tips for Apartment Living

1) Don't settle for the store brand cling wrap. It doesn't stick to anything, yet somehow manages to get all over you instead of the food you're actually trying to wrap. And the worst part is, once you realize that the store brand sucks, you think to yourself, 'I'll just use this stuff up quickly and then buy the GLAD brand'. Think again! The store brand NEVER RUNS OUT! I'm pretty sure they pack enough store brand cling wrap in that little box to wrap the entire Great Wall of China.... twice. Sink the extra 30 cents into GLAD brand. It's worth it.... trust me.

2) Whenever it's dark and you're home alone and there's a loud noise outside your door, it's safe to assume that it's an axe murderer coming to get you.... Panic.

3) The walls and floors are paper thin so keep that in mind when you're playing Justin Bieber's "Boyfriend" 9 times in a row.

4) No matter what, your stove will smoke and make ticking sounds, and your refrigerator will make strange breathing noises. Your stove might be a bomb. Just accept it.

5) That one thing you left at home because you thought you probably wouldn't need it.... you'll need it. Also, that one thing you brought because you thought 'just in case'.... you're never going to use it.
Psh! Who needs a stapler! On the other hand, I'm sure my bomb diffusing kit would come in much handier. Who knows? Maybe my stove will turn out to be a bomb.

6) There is no such thing as too much Ramen Noodles.

7) Stick to the library if you want to get work done because there are too many distractions at home. One of which includes Adele turning up out of the blue uninvited. God, I hate when she does that.

8) Don't run the dishwasher or washing machine close to bed time. You'll never get any sleep listening to the plates launch cannons at the bowls.

9) There will always be tons of mail addressed to the previous apartment owner. And I mean tons. Like "Harry Potter Hogwarts acceptance letters flying in through the chimney" tons. Just throw them away and ignore the large, red, "IMMEDIATE RESPONSE REQUIRED" stamp on the front of the envelopes.

10) The bus is never not crowded. This picture....

.... doesn't happen. This however....

.... happens all the time. Just avoid being trampled, ignore the armpit in your face, and swear next time you'll drive.

Boyfriend Material

Valentine's Day is definitely my most favorite holiday of the year! Okay, I lied. It's not. But pretending that it is, I made a blog post that's kind of in the spirit of V-Day. I've basically spent the last 36 years thinking of all of the male movie characters I can, comparing their personalities, weeping silently in a corner after realizing they're fictional, and then narrowing down my top 5 based on their personalities and well... I admit it, looks too. All 5 of these men I would date faster than you could make that weird stuttering, grunting noise you make when you're trying to get a word in. So, in no particular order, here's my top 5!

Matt Flamhaff from 13 Going On 30

Out of all of my choices, he's probably the most mature. He's also such a realistic character/adult. And he's just so nice. He makes Jenna a doll house of all her favorite things and what does she do with it? She throws it at him. What the heck, Jenna!? Don't you know that it's rude to throw doll houses at people? (This part isn't actually in the movie, but Matt talks about it when Jenna asks him why they went their separate ways). And after all this he is still willing to be friends with her and hang out on playgrounds and eat Razzles. So basically that means he's really good at putting up with "crazy" and still has a little 13 year old innocence. I'd eat Razzles with you any day, Matt, and I promise I'd never throw a doll house at you!

Noah Calhoun from The Notebook

Okay, okay! Every girl would probably put Noah on her list 1) because he's extremely attractive and 2) because it's Ryan Gosling so he's extremely attractive. But really, aside from the looks, Noah is probably one of the best guys in the history of guys. He is a hopeless romantic (the boat ride followed my the most epic kiss in the rain... I just died thinking about it), he writes letters to his girl every day, and he reads to his wife even though he knows she will just forget who he is in a matter of minutes. He really fights for her and I love that about him. He really means it when they say "in sickness and in health until death do us part". Marry me?

Kevin Doyle from 27 Dresses

I want someone who I can stand on the bar counter with and sing to "Bennie and the Jets" at the top of my lungs. I want someone who is so thoughtful that he gets me a phone to use instead of a messy planner. I want someone who is fun and patient enough to sit there as I try on 27 dresses. I want someone who sends me flowers while I'm at work. I want someone who is willing to sacrifice getting in trouble with his boss just to protect me. Do you see where I'm going with this? I want a Kevin Doyle. 

Flynn Rider from Tangled

Out of all the guys I picked, I had to have someone who was funny. Flynn is funny. Flynn is also very attractive even though he's an animated character. I don't really know why I like Flynn so much. Maybe it's because he completely turned his life around for the better, took Rapunzel on the adventure of her dreams, gave up riches for love, serenaded Rapunzel in a boat surrounded by floating lanterns (sigh), and ended up sacrificing his life to free the girl he loves. Or maybe it's just because of the smolder. Must. Resist. The. Smolder.

Tyler Prince from Sydney White

Don't ever watch "Sydney White" with me because throughout the entire movie I will be saying "Ugh, I want a Tyler Prince!" It's true. If you ever have trouble thinking of a good birthday gift for me, now you know. Just kidnap Matt Long. A lot of people haven't seen Sydney White so they don't know who this is, so to sum him up, as his last name implies, he is a charming college gentleman. He's like the hottest frat guy ever and he goes after the average-looking and slightly annoying Amanda Bynes. He serenades her in the library and gives her roses, and he's nice to her dorky outcast friends. He also helps rebuild their house, oh you know, because he's just nice. I don't really understand why Amanda Bynes is so against dating him. Oh, and if you're still not convinced, get this... the first time they hang out (because she refuses to go on a "date" with him) he takes her to a church to feed the poor. Umm... can you be any more perfect?

Fighting the Flu

Doctors have tried to explain to me what happens when you get the flu and why you need a flu shot, but no matter what they say, it's still so confusing. I've decided to make a comic about what I think happens when you get a flu shot.

Here is your white blood cells

and here is the flu virus

Your white blood cells are untrained and unprotected from the flu, so you need to get a flu shot in order to prepare them for battle. (i.e fighting the flu). By getting the flu shot, you give your white blood cells the tools they need to defend themselves and the rest of your body.

That way, when this happens....

.... your white blood cells are able to respond by having an epic battle inside of you.

I bet you didn't even know that they save your little red blood cells too.

And you end up being a-okay!

If you don't get the flu shot.... 

.... be prepared for chaos.

3:10

My thoughts during my afternoon math class

3:10

Aaah it’s 3:10 and my last class of the day is almost over. It kind of sucks that this class goes until 3:20 Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but there’s nothing I could really do about it. I had to take this class sooner or later. It doesn’t really look like anyone in this class is stoked to take it either. There seems to be a lot of blank stares. It’s crazy how many guys are in this class compared to how many girls. There’s a pretty significant difference. Like.... 14, 15, 16 guys and 5, 6, 7 girls myself included. Well, now I know where all the guys are.... They aren’t hiding under rocks on the quad. They’re hiding under a rock known as Roop Hall. I guess math and physics classes are where they are. Too bad I hate both of those topics. I’m about as excited for this class as I was when the Seahawks beat the Redskins.... not happy. At least my professor seems excited. He’s practically jumping off the walls talking about experiments with ping-pong balls. Or wait, what is he talking about now? I can hardly understand him. He starts every sentence talking clear, but then it turns into a quiet mumble. And I can’t tell if he has a Michigan accent or a Texas accent. It’s kind of a mix of both. Shoot, I really can’t understand what he’s saying. I guess I’ll add 'My math professor voice' to my list of things I don’t understand. That along with organic chemistry and the 'Speed checked by aircraft signs' on I-81. Do they really have aircraft flying around radaring us? I don’t think so. Stupid signs. But seriously, am I the only one who doesn’t even know what he’s saying right now? The guy with dreads on my right seems to be absorbing this. Hello future group partner! And to my left.... nope.... he’s online shopping. Well, one thing I’ve noticed about this professor is that he loves to stare. Haha poor girl in front! He’s giving you the laser glare. He’s not gonna break eye contact with you until… crap! Now he’s staring at me! Ahhh! What do I do? Should I look away? Yes, I’ll look at the clock. No! I can’t look at the clock. Then he’ll think I’m bored and even though I am, I can’t show weakness. Must. Stare. Back. I can’t do it. Looking down. What a nice keyboard! Actually you can barely see the letter 'F' so I take that back. Okay, he’s probably not looking anymore. I’d say it’s safe to look back up.... Nope. What the heck?! He’s still staring! Stop it! Look at the guy with dreads. He’s cool. Yes? Aaah finally. He’s looking at dreads guy. I mean, I wouldn’t blame him. He has such cool hair. And are those beads I see? Oops! Now I’m staring at him too. Ugh, this class needs to be over. I guess its safe to look at the clock again. It has to have been almost ten minutes now....

3:11

Shit. This is gonna be a long semester.