'Twas The Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the service before Christmas and all through the Church

Not a seat was left open, unless in the front row you did search.

The wreaths were all hung by the alter with care

In hopes to attract a wandering stare.

The men were all dressed in ties and fine suits

While the women wore dresses, sweaters, and boots.

Once everyone was snuggled in the pews nice and tight,

“A blue Honda civic, you’ve left on your lights”.

The mass began with much incense they showered

Perfume was pointless, for now ‘twas overpowered.

The readings were read like they were every year

By the same man with the same jolly cheer.

And then on to the singing, and then praying did come

All the sitting and standing got confusing for some.

It was obvious who was a regular, and who was not

But regardless, the same message was what they all sought.

The homily was short while communion, not so much

But the message of Jesus, my heart it did touch

And then… Wait… incense again? I wondered why

It was already in my throat and all in my eyes

Then my favorite part, the song 'Oh, Holy Night'

The blonde opera singer always sings it just right

She sounds like an angel when she sings during mass

And I’m pretty sure she could go high enough to break glass.

Mass came to an end and home people did go

Kids excited for Santa; their faces aglow.

Now I too will go to bed, for this poem I must leave

I can’t blog all night because it’s Christmas Eve!

One more thing I will share with you, if I might...
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Four Types of Final-ers

1) People who are way too excited about taking their finals. These people have lots of confidence and usually aren't afraid to make that known.

2) People who are the good kind of confident about their finals. They will not rub it in your face, but they will punch their final in the face. These people are awesome and I wish I had the confidence they do.

3) The average student who will work hard to study and their hard work will probably pay off. The downside is that they'll most likely be stressed the entire week causing them to lose years off their life in the long run.

4) The people who spend more time stressing about all their finals than actually studying for them... or the people who have no idea what they learned after a semester's worth of work.

Cheers to a stressful week of finals!

Dear Dentist

I felt great as I walked into your office today. Even after you glared at me and asked in an unusually curt and bitchy voice, "Do you have an appointment?" I was still smiling. Wanna know why? It's because today was my last day having you as a dentist. That's right, our insurance changed, which means we're switching dentists faster than the radio stations around here jump at the chance to start playing Christmas music. It's not that my family is tired of you guys calling us the day of an appointment and asking to postpone it 6 months. Or that we dislike it when we call to confirm an appointment we've had booked for 4 months only to find out you didn't write it down and we have to reschedule. Don't get me wrong. We love that. It's quality customer care. You see, the reason I'm saying goodbye to you is because I will miss all the wonderful things you've done for me.

Remember that time I came in complaining that I had a severe pain in one of my teeth so you looked at it and told me it was only a small cavity and nothing was wrong. "Don't worry!" you say "It's not something you need to fix right now. We'll deal with it later". But that pain didn't go away, so at my next appointment I brought it up again. This time you decided to fill it even though it was small. But as you worked you realized that the cavity was way bigger than you expected and that it almost required a root canal. Then I remember you scolded me telling me that I should've told you about this earlier. I really appreciated that.

And then remember that time it took you 20 minutes to give me a cleaning and fill a cavity because you were busy and had 3 other patients? And then at the next appointment it took you 50 minutes to just give me a cleaning because you had one other patient? It still boggles my mind how you manage your time so well. It must be a magic trick or something.

I also love how every time I go in for a cleaning, you scold me and tell me that I have very inflamed gums as you poke that them with your little metal stick. When I floss, my gums don't become inflamed and they don't bleed. I must be flossing wrong though because I don't use a metal stick to floss. Silly me. I also love how my mouth will be sore for the next 12 hours after that. You must be doing something right. Pain is your game.

So to answer your question earlier, no, I didn't have an appointment. I just like walking into your office on a random day and surrounding myself with all the positive energy your office is filled with. This was my last appointment with you guys, and I have to admit, I'm not the least bit saddened. Frankly, I pretty much hate you guys. See you never.

Alison

Ant Farm

Do you ever zone out in class? Like really zone out? Hard core? I do all the time (it's actually really bad), and sometimes when I zone out, old memories pop up. One of those "zone out memory pop up" times inspired this blog post. We were talking about ants in animal behavior class. I don't remember what specifically about the ants we were talking about, but my professor showed us this picture of an animated anthill cut in half so you could see the inner working of the hill. That image spurred a memory of a time when my parents and I tried to make one of those little ant farms.... and failed miserably.

It all started with two ideas. 1) I wanted one of those ant farms because I thought it would be cool to have "pet" ants that I envisioned I could play with like puppies and 2) My dad was doing yard work, found a huge anthill under the deck post we were removing, and wanted to exterminate it. This is the absolute perfect mindset combination for starting an ant farm. We ran into many problems while trying to start this ant farm and these ideas were just problem 1.

Problem 2 was that we didn't read the directions about how to start the ant farm. That was a crucial piece to the puzzle that my mom, dad, and I just picked up and threw out. We made up our own plan of action, and it started with my dad taking a shovel straight to the anthill and digging. Bad plan. The ants went crazy. They were crawling everywhere. It was pure chaos for the ants, and admittedly for us too.

Problem 3 was that we didn't know how to collect the ants or where to put them, and they were scrambling away from their destroyed home. My mom found a huge bucket that we started scooping the ants into, but then we realized that the ants were just crawling up the sides of the bucket and getting out. My mom then had the idea to put Vaseline on the rim of the bucket because it was supposed to prevent them from crawling out. This made everything worse. The ants were so frantic and desperate to escape that they were starting to trudge through the Vaseline. One by one, they would get stuck in it and slowly die from drowning in the thick Vaseline. It was like they would rather die via Vaseline asphyxiation than live in an ant farm.

For an 11 year old, this ant suicide was horrifying. I immediately regretted this ant farm. I changed my mind. I didn't want the ant farm anymore, but my parents were determined and my dad was getting rid of the anthill no matter what. Also, when my mom sets her mind on a project, she become very determined to see it through. It's a good trait to have generally.... except for when you're making your daughter an ant farm and killing all the ants in the process.

God knows how we managed to salvage ants after the mass ant suicide through Vaseline-bucket-rim, but we did. We had enough ants to start a farm according to our self made directions. It didn't matter that some ants were missing legs, other had partially crushed thoraxes, and some were so covered in Vaseline that the sand was sticking to them and they would probably die from suffocation eventually.

After all this, I thought the terror was over and I could finally enjoy my anthill, but then we realized we needed the queen. According to the internet, without the queen there will be no offspring, and the current ants would just roam endlessly with no purpose in life and the farm will eventually die.

Now I wish I could continue my story with another sub-story about how my parents and I dug through the remnants to find the queen, but alas we did not. We never found her. In all honesty, she probably died in the destruction of the hill, and needless to say, my ant farm did not make it. Actually, it barely made it a few hours. All of the ants were so badly mutilated from our failed attempt to capture them, that they all died within a few hours.

I feel kind of bad for hurting all those ants, but I was young and didn't know better.... and probably should have held onto the directions, or just mail ordered the ants. But, my family never tried to start an ant farm again, and I always wonder why....

The Five Stages of Grieving When You're a Redskins Fan

This Sunday, I suffered a loss. Not directly, but it still hurt my heart. The Redskins lost to possibly one of the worst teams in the NFL-- The Detroit Lions. After this game, I went through the 5 stages of grieving every Skins fan goes through when we lose a game.

#1 Denial
We are not that bad of a team! We've got RG3, and Alfred Morris- two of the best Rookies last year. They are gonna kill it this year! And Santana Moss and Pierre Garçon are beast receivers. Not to mention other strong players like Fred Davis, Brian Orakapo, Ryan Kerrigan, London Fletcher, and DeAngelo Hall. We don't have a single weak player on the team. RG Knee my ass. We're totally fine. We're definitely still strong contenders in the Super Bowl this year.

#2 Anger
C'mon Skins! Get your act together and start playing like a real football team!!!! This is REAL LIFE! Who's calling these plays anyway?!? I bet someone is paying the Refs to make bad calls against the Redskins! I hate everything that's negative towards the Redskins! You're either with us, or you're against us...

#3 Bargaining
If only we could get 3 touchdowns, and a field goal to win in the next 2 minutes. Just. Get. 3. Touchdowns. Please! We just need a few more points. We're only down by 24. If only we had more time to make a comeback.

#4 Depression
Wow. I can't believe we lost to the Detroit Lions. The Lions for goodness sake. It hurts! I'm going to go curl up in a ball in the corner of my room now and rock back and forth while weeping about this situation. Please don't try to converse with me, or I will eat you.

#5 Acceptance
There is no such thing as acceptance when you're a true Skins fan. Repeat #1.

HTTR!

Waitressing 101

Well my job as a waitress has officially come to an end this summer, and it ended with a splash. Quite literally though. Like, I was thrown in a fountain on my last day. It was a fun job though and I will definitely miss some of the people! Looking back, I learned quite a few things about the restaurant business and just people in general. If you ever plan to be a waitress, be warned!

1) My tasks are like Sims. I have a mental list of stuff that I need to get done and a specific order. If something unexpected comes up, I usually forget what I was supposed to be doing before because, like Sims, all the other tasks were deleted. It's just like when the phone rings in Sims. You have to cancel everything you were doing before in order to answer the call just in case it's that mysterious person who gives you 100,000 Sim dollars

2) All of your tables will either want nothing or something at the same time. They'll all say they're fine right now and don't need anything, but the minute you go back to check on one, they'll all need something. "Can I get more water?" "Check please!" "Can I have some Tabasco sauce?" "Do you take Visa?"

3) Sometimes you have to get creative about how to weave through the busy bar in order to get your drinks

4) People pretend they know a lot about wine when they taste it, but most of them really don't. They know they're supposed to sniff it at some point, but they don't even know why. They just don't want to look stupid in front of you

5) Drunk people at the bar will either think A) "So... are you single?" is a good pick-up line or B) Fully and stubbornly believe that you are someone they met "that one time" and refuse to believe your name is anything other than "Emily". Just go with it, and have fun playing along. See how far you can get with the craziness of the story. "Yeah! I remember that! And then you ran around naked, punched that cop and drove his car into that pool! You don't remember that? Hahaha that's probably because you were so drunk, man!" If the guy's more sober friends like you, they'll play along with you and keep feeding the story

6) If nobody saw you spill it, it never happened

7) People don't understand the concept of "move" and it gets frustrating when you are in a hurry. You will get stuck behind some slow person who decides they want to stop in the middle of the path and just observe the flowers. It makes me want to scream every time

8) People will legitimately fight over who gets to cover the bill. Just take the first card that's handed to you and walk away quickly. Ignore the lady that almost cries because she wanted to pay

9) Sometimes, surprisingly, people forget what they order

10) When people ask you to recommend something to them on the menu, men will usually order what you recommend. Women on the other hand will ask if you prefer item A or B. 99% of the time they already have their mind made up and just want you to hopefully justify their choice. The other 1% of the time, they just want to pick the opposite of what you say. Psh.... Women....

11) You develop a sixth sense for when there is clean silverware that needs rolling. It's like you can smell it and are naturally drawn to it even though you don't want to be

12) Sometimes people give you bad tips for no reason (most likely because they don't understand the world of food service. Either that or they can't do math very well). Sometimes people give you awesome tips for something as small as being a fan of the Redskins

13) Sometimes you will get a vegan that comes into your Italian restaurant wanting to eat something other than a salad. They will never understand that all of the entrees have meat, all of the appetizers are cooked with milk or eggs, all of the pizzas and pastas have egg in them and usually a meat or cream sauce, and so that only leaves the salads. It is an "Italian" restaurant after-all....

14) .... And sometimes you will get a family coming into your Italian restaurant wanting burgers, hot dogs, and fries. They will be more out of place than a family going into an Italian restaurant wanting burgers, hot dogs, and fries

15) If the restaurant Clyde's across the street does it, we do it. If we do it, Cylde's does it. If they set up they're patio, we set up our patio. If we take down our patio, they take down their patio. If they lose power, we laugh at them and put up a huge sign that says, "Come in! We have power, food, and AC! Suck it Clyde's!"

16) People will always make the same cheesy jokes about the food

17) Some people are so rich that they can blow a 300 dollar tab and not even look at the bill. Get over it. They're rich. And they probably always will be

18) When a guy looks you in the eyes and says, "Do you have Buttery Nipples?" don't be offended. He's asking for a speciality drink

19) And going along with that, there are many strange and sexually named drinks. Yes, 'Sex on the Beach' is "easy" and 'Naked Girl Scout' is tasty

20) Restaurant drama is the best

Never Turn Your Back To The Ocean

When I was little, I spent 90% of my beach time in the water. When I was in elementary school and middle school I used to write most of my short stories about something that happened to me while I was on a beach vacation. I thought I was a budding Virginia Woolf when I used phrases like, "The cool blue ocean's waves lapped at the curved side of the bright green inner-tube", but really I was just a grade schooler overusing adjectives and the synonym button in Microsoft Word.

There is a foggy memory that comes to mind as I think about these stories I wrote about going to the beach as a youngin'. We went down to the Outer Banks with my Uncle Ken's family. He and my Dad took my cousins (Tim and Melissa), brother (Matt), and I in an inner-tube out to the "deep part". I remember being terrified because I knew I wouldn't be able to touch the bottom should I fall off the tube. What my cousins and brother probably remember to be a fun time bobbing over the waves, I remember as a terrifying journey out to where you could no longer see the shore, and to where the waves crashed against the tube on all sides. It had begun to storm just as we were trying to get back into shore. My Uncle and Dad fought the strong current but were growing tired. Suddenly, my cousin Tim was pulled under. My Uncle Ken dove in after what appeared to be a shark fin, but he and my cousin never resurfaced. As I looked around for my Dad, the sinking realization that he had also drowned in the deep water hit me. Then, out of no where, a huge wave smacked the side of the tube, knocking Matt and Melissa off the tube and into the dark watery abyss below. My cousin and brother were lost to Davy Jones' locker. I was the only one left clinging to the tube for dear life until, hours later, I washed up on shore miles away from our beach site, sobbing and out of breath. I knew the proceeding weeks I would spend trying to survive the wilderness while searching for the rest of my family and coping with the loss of the others.

Seeing that my Dad, Uncle, brother, and cousins are all still alive, none of this probably happened. Like I said, my memory of the actual part where we took an inner-tube out to sea is very foggy. Like, the whole thing was probably just a dream. Yeah. Definitely a dream. But to make my point from before, that is how I wrote my short stories in 7th grade english class.

The OBX trip I just returned from was actually very peaceful and much needed. I think as you get older, the point of vacation is just to relax. When you're young, vacation is more of cram-as-much-fun-as-you-can-into-the-short-amount-of-time-that-you're-out-of-that-jail-they-call-school. But this vacation was nice. I got to see my Uncle Tom's family on the last few days we were there and that was nice because we usually only see them once or twice a year since they live in Michigan. We spent the last beach day together out bobbing the waves. My cousin, Sam, brought his beer can out with him, but just has he came out, a big wave was about to cap on us. We all looked at Sam and his open beer can and felt sorry that it was about to be filled with salt water, then dove under the wave. When we resurfaced Sam had told us, "No worries! I put my hand over top of it and went under. Whatever works, you know?" So typical of someone in my engineer-wired-brain dominated family. I love hanging out with them.

The rest of the week was filled with eating delicious crabs, paddle boarding, sun tanning (although I think I may have actually just gotten whiter- if that's possible), puzzling, snow cones, and other family fun. It was definitely much needed.

My title is something one of my Uncles once told me. It's one of my earliest memories about going to the beach so I must've been pretty young. I was digging for sand fleas and mussels in the sand in that wet area the waves reach after they crash on shore. My Uncle chuckled and told me "Don't you know never to turn your back to the ocean?" I scoffed and ignored him and continued to dig. That only lasted for 5 minutes because sure enough a larger than average wave broke a little too close to where I was digging and knocked me right off my feet. I tumbled around in the surf and washed up on shore with sand everywhere on my body.... you would be surprised all the places sand can reach. I cried and ran to mommy. I never saw that wave coming because I turned my back to the ocean.

I don't really have a good way to end this post because my mind is still in vacation mode. I'm surprised I was even able to sit down and blog. I guess I'll leave you with this: Never turn your back to the ocean.

Bennett

Some of you may have heard, or seen it in the news. Just another tragic story about a young kid losing his life in a terrible accident. What many of you don't know is that that "kid" wasn't just any kid. He was Bennett Rill, and Bennett Rill isn't just some kid.

This isn't going to be a usual blog post for me. No jokes or funny stories. In fact, this blog is more for me, so keep reading if you really want. I have a problem with internalizing some of my sadness so I figured I'd help myself by blogging about what I'm feeling.

This past week has been a blur of sadness and confusion. How could this happen? And why, out of all people, did this have to happen to Bennett?

The words from the funeral still echo in my mind over and over again. "Bennett had so much life ahead of him. He was going to do great things". What makes this whole tragedy harder is that I couldn't agree more. Bennett was only 14 and just about to enter high school. He had tons of opportunities ahead of him, and even more lives to touch.

What has been ripping me apart is the question "Why did this happen to Bennett?". They were just being teenagers. They were just friends, harmlessly celebrating the end of middle school. I don't know what the news has said, but they weren't drinking, or trying to break into the school. They were just being innocent good kids. My neighbor told me a story that both broke my heart and somehow filled it at the same time. My brother, my neighbor's son, Bennett, and his Dad were riding in a golf cart. My neighbor's son reached out to try to grab an apple and fell off the moving golf cart. Bennett's first reaction was to jump off the cart saying, "I'll help you, Buddy!"

And that's just how he died years later. When his friend fell and broke his arm, whether Bennett said it out loud or not, he was climbing down that ladder with the idea in mind, "I'll help you, Buddy!"

So why then? Why did this happen to a kid who was just trying to help? Many people think, "It's God's plan", but it's not. A pastor told us (and I also believe this) God may know your entire life before you do, and he may know when and how you will die, but he doesn't control whether your foot steps on a live wire or not. He doesn't move a foot two inches to the left so it will come in contact with an electric wire. God may have known when Bennett would die, but he certainly didn't "kill" him.

How does something like this happen then? My mom told me God leaves it up to free will. But I say, it wasn't Bennett's "will" to step on a live wire. So if it wasn't God's will and it wasn't Bennett's will, then how? How did this happen? The more I think about it, the more I realize, its something bigger. It's something that I as a human could never understand. I just have to learn that many things are beyond my understanding, and hold firmly to the idea that good things can arise from tragedies.

Yesterday I attended his funeral, and I'll admit, I sobbed like a baby. I could use this time to tell countless stories I've heard about just how wonderful a kid Bennett was, but I fear tears may come back and I'm not strong enough for that right now. If you get a chance in the future, come ask me about Bennett. Ask me about the kid who touched my life in such a brief but powerful way. Ask me about the kid who touched thousands of lives in only 14 years.

If there is any way to end my thoughts, it's this. I only knew Bennett through my brother's birthday parties and sports practices. I drove him to practices, dropped him off from play-dates, and led his scavenger hunt group at birthdays. But every single time I looked back in my rearview mirror and saw his smiling face, I thought to myself, "If I had a son, I would want him to be exactly like Bennett".

Bennett, you will be missed more than you could ever imagine! I will be praying for you and your family. It was a blessing to even get the smallest moment with you. Rest in Peace Bennett Rill! You are so loved.

Bennett Rill
July 8th, 1998 - June 18th, 2013

It's the Little Things

10 Little Things I Enjoy

The karate stance my bird does when you make a sudden movement near him. I call it the Dane Cook bad breath karate stance

How my dog runs diagonal

The man who always waves to me when he's walking in our neighborhood even though I have no idea who he is or of he even lives in my neighborhood

When my dog does "the creep"

When my dad sings and or talks to himself while he cooks

The way NOVA drivers anticipate a green light so much that they end up halfway in the intersection before the light actually changes. You think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not

The way people genuinely greet eachother at the Dulles airport

When I find this in the refrigerator....

How my dog practically pisses herself in excitement anytime someone walks in the front door

The way NOVA light pollination kind of looks like a sunset....

Again, it's the little things :)

How Time Works

When you're trying to hit a qualifying time, break a personal record, or shave off a few seconds from your time

*run 3 more steps then look at clock again

How time works in school

*Finish writing paper, ask teacher a question, browse Facebook, text friend back, read a few pages in assigned book, look at clock again

Can someone please explain this phenomenon to me when they figure it out?

Passing Conversations

I didn't really have time at the end of the semester to write a real blog post, so instead I'm posting a list I've complied of the strangest snippets of conversations I've heard this past semester. Yes, I've been creepily taking note of the weird things I've heard people say throughout the semester, but I think it's rather funny. Sometimes I wish I could've heard more of their conversation because some of these things seem really out there. Enjoy! (Note: I added my commentary in black, pink represents something that was said by a girl and blue, a boy.... I think it adds a little something to a few of them if you know the gender of who said it... *cough* the one about Twilight)


Shit People Say In Passing Conversations

"And now her room is infested with them. They are literally crawling everywhere" I don't even want to know

"Momentum is like that awkward stepchild" Wait, you're talking about physics, right?

"That's not really something I want to put in my mouth, you know?"

"I was like 'Shit, I should probably put some pants on'"

"I prefer tender chicken thighs"
"No man. Chicken breasts are the best!"

"Wait, wait. Why don't we just cut his breaks? HAHAHAHA!!!" Should I be concerned for the safety of one of your friends?

"Yeah, I think putting it next to the peanuts will be more aesthetically pleasing" 

"But is it the same consistency as Nutella?"

"Yeah, if Snookie shows me hers first" Shows you her what exactly?

"The point of my story is that I have no pants now" And then you found 5 dollars

"I haven't taken notes in that class since last week"

"Are you kidding? I've never taken notes in that class" A+ students!

"If there's a grizzly bear, you probably need to hurry up" Umm, I'm pretty sure if you're close enough to see a grizzly bear while camping, you're already screwed

"People don't laugh with me, they laugh at me." Not something you want to be telling the world

"If you enjoy real meteorites we have one you can touch!"

"Unicorns and toads are real.... or at least unicorns are" Toads are definitely mythical, just like the tooth fairy and the Queen of England

"Oh my gosh! She's gonna be 20? That’s really old!"

"It was a total Twilight moment"

"You mean Twilight Zone moment?"

"No. I meant Twilight. Like the book about the vampires."

"The naughty things I would do to his sexy face"

"Elephant"

"Dude. Shut up"

"Elephant"

"Seriously man. Shut up"

"People have to earn my laugh"

"Let's go to her ceremony hammered!"

"That's why stalking is bad" Probably talking about Facebook... we all do it

"The fact that I ran around naked is extremely out of context" *probably my favorite. I don't even want to know what exactly they were talking about

"Make up a bunch of shit. Like say you're honest and trustworthy and stuff" That sounds like a good idea

"If I just do push-ups for the interview they'll definitely give me the job"

"Do you think Jesus recycled?" Umm probably not because I don't think they had plastic back then... but I'm not a scholar

"It's annoying how you can only reserve study rooms for two hours. You should be able to reserve that room for as long as you want your soul to waste away" Amen!

"I'm scratching the bridge of my nose, you know, because it's itchy"

"One time they injected morphine straight into my head. It was great"

Oh, college conversations.... always so intellectual:)

Things That Never Get Old

Blasting an awesome song in the car and singing at the top of your lungs with your friends

The old Oxi Clean commercials. Come on. You know you secretly miss hearing, "HI! I'M BILLY MAYS!" just a little

Morgan Freeman's voice. Also Liam Neeson's

Voldemorts laugh

The Backstreet Boys and/or N'Sync... if you're into that whole "who's better" thing

Classic movies and books

Sipping hot chocolate in the winter

Spongebob. There are a lot of things you don't pick up on as a kid... like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1FQ05yO5FE

Little kids telling you a joke

The cuteness of puppies. I got sidetracked for about 10 minutes while looking for a picture of puppies to post here

Capri Sun. I'm the person who sneaks in and grabs one at my brothers soccer game snack time. No shame

Anything chocolate

The 'Scooby Doo' theme song (You're thinking about it right now, aren't you?)

Playing jokes on your siblings. My best one was when I hid in the shower and waited until both of my brothers came in to brush their teeth. When I jumped out, they almost cried. It was hilarious

The original FreeCreditScore.com guys. You know you love them too

Disney movies

Ryan Seacrest. Seriously. Has that guy aged at all?

The song, 'Don't Stop Believing'. I've never heard anyone complain about the song when it comes on at a party. What does get old is the people who are serious about hitting the high note at the end

God. I'm pretty sure there's probably a Bible verse that says God never gets old

The movie, 'Mean Girls'. "You go Glen Coco!" P.S. Did anyone else know the guy who plays Glen Coco is kind of attractive. And by "kind of" I mean "very"

Top 40 songs.... hahaha I couldn't type that without laughing. Top 40 songs get old the 10th time you hear them on the radio

Bill Nye the Science Guy. Admit it. You'd pee your pants in excitement if your college professor told you he was going to put on a Bill Nye video instead of giving a lecture

Benjamin Button. He started out old, but technically never got older.

Watching people get the s*** scared out of them

Musicals

Anything with the label "90's kids..."i.e. Furbies, Lisa Frank school supplies, Full House, Lizzie McGuire, early Britney Spears... you know... before the whole shaving her head thing. Then again, this picture never gets old either.

Awkward Family Photos. I think it's because it makes us feel better about our family's awkwardness because they can never be as bad as these. Unless of course you're one of these families, in which case, I'm sorry
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/category/photos/awkward-hall-of-fame/

Summer

A 7-11 Slurpee after a run... or really just anytime

Dwight Schrute. The Office may get old, but Dwight Schrute never will
http://www.hulu.com/watch/55744

Backyard games. Capture the flag, laser tag, pickle, kickball, tag, etc. Who wouldn't jump for the opportunity to play one of those again. It brings out the kid in us

Keep Calm and Paint Happy Trees

Christmas this year....

Easter this year....

This weather needs to get its shit together!

(Also, I'm really proud of the happy snow covered pine trees I drew. Boss Ross taught me. It was pretty easy, just like he said! I nailed it. He'd be proud.)

We all need to just keep calm and paint happy trees, and we'll survive this weather crisis just like we survived the earthquake of 2012.

10 Tips for Apartment Living

1) Don't settle for the store brand cling wrap. It doesn't stick to anything, yet somehow manages to get all over you instead of the food you're actually trying to wrap. And the worst part is, once you realize that the store brand sucks, you think to yourself, 'I'll just use this stuff up quickly and then buy the GLAD brand'. Think again! The store brand NEVER RUNS OUT! I'm pretty sure they pack enough store brand cling wrap in that little box to wrap the entire Great Wall of China.... twice. Sink the extra 30 cents into GLAD brand. It's worth it.... trust me.

2) Whenever it's dark and you're home alone and there's a loud noise outside your door, it's safe to assume that it's an axe murderer coming to get you.... Panic.

3) The walls and floors are paper thin so keep that in mind when you're playing Justin Bieber's "Boyfriend" 9 times in a row.

4) No matter what, your stove will smoke and make ticking sounds, and your refrigerator will make strange breathing noises. Your stove might be a bomb. Just accept it.

5) That one thing you left at home because you thought you probably wouldn't need it.... you'll need it. Also, that one thing you brought because you thought 'just in case'.... you're never going to use it.
Psh! Who needs a stapler! On the other hand, I'm sure my bomb diffusing kit would come in much handier. Who knows? Maybe my stove will turn out to be a bomb.

6) There is no such thing as too much Ramen Noodles.

7) Stick to the library if you want to get work done because there are too many distractions at home. One of which includes Adele turning up out of the blue uninvited. God, I hate when she does that.

8) Don't run the dishwasher or washing machine close to bed time. You'll never get any sleep listening to the plates launch cannons at the bowls.

9) There will always be tons of mail addressed to the previous apartment owner. And I mean tons. Like "Harry Potter Hogwarts acceptance letters flying in through the chimney" tons. Just throw them away and ignore the large, red, "IMMEDIATE RESPONSE REQUIRED" stamp on the front of the envelopes.

10) The bus is never not crowded. This picture....

.... doesn't happen. This however....

.... happens all the time. Just avoid being trampled, ignore the armpit in your face, and swear next time you'll drive.

Boyfriend Material

Valentine's Day is definitely my most favorite holiday of the year! Okay, I lied. It's not. But pretending that it is, I made a blog post that's kind of in the spirit of V-Day. I've basically spent the last 36 years thinking of all of the male movie characters I can, comparing their personalities, weeping silently in a corner after realizing they're fictional, and then narrowing down my top 5 based on their personalities and well... I admit it, looks too. All 5 of these men I would date faster than you could make that weird stuttering, grunting noise you make when you're trying to get a word in. So, in no particular order, here's my top 5!

Matt Flamhaff from 13 Going On 30

Out of all of my choices, he's probably the most mature. He's also such a realistic character/adult. And he's just so nice. He makes Jenna a doll house of all her favorite things and what does she do with it? She throws it at him. What the heck, Jenna!? Don't you know that it's rude to throw doll houses at people? (This part isn't actually in the movie, but Matt talks about it when Jenna asks him why they went their separate ways). And after all this he is still willing to be friends with her and hang out on playgrounds and eat Razzles. So basically that means he's really good at putting up with "crazy" and still has a little 13 year old innocence. I'd eat Razzles with you any day, Matt, and I promise I'd never throw a doll house at you!

Noah Calhoun from The Notebook

Okay, okay! Every girl would probably put Noah on her list 1) because he's extremely attractive and 2) because it's Ryan Gosling so he's extremely attractive. But really, aside from the looks, Noah is probably one of the best guys in the history of guys. He is a hopeless romantic (the boat ride followed my the most epic kiss in the rain... I just died thinking about it), he writes letters to his girl every day, and he reads to his wife even though he knows she will just forget who he is in a matter of minutes. He really fights for her and I love that about him. He really means it when they say "in sickness and in health until death do us part". Marry me?

Kevin Doyle from 27 Dresses

I want someone who I can stand on the bar counter with and sing to "Bennie and the Jets" at the top of my lungs. I want someone who is so thoughtful that he gets me a phone to use instead of a messy planner. I want someone who is fun and patient enough to sit there as I try on 27 dresses. I want someone who sends me flowers while I'm at work. I want someone who is willing to sacrifice getting in trouble with his boss just to protect me. Do you see where I'm going with this? I want a Kevin Doyle. 

Flynn Rider from Tangled

Out of all the guys I picked, I had to have someone who was funny. Flynn is funny. Flynn is also very attractive even though he's an animated character. I don't really know why I like Flynn so much. Maybe it's because he completely turned his life around for the better, took Rapunzel on the adventure of her dreams, gave up riches for love, serenaded Rapunzel in a boat surrounded by floating lanterns (sigh), and ended up sacrificing his life to free the girl he loves. Or maybe it's just because of the smolder. Must. Resist. The. Smolder.

Tyler Prince from Sydney White

Don't ever watch "Sydney White" with me because throughout the entire movie I will be saying "Ugh, I want a Tyler Prince!" It's true. If you ever have trouble thinking of a good birthday gift for me, now you know. Just kidnap Matt Long. A lot of people haven't seen Sydney White so they don't know who this is, so to sum him up, as his last name implies, he is a charming college gentleman. He's like the hottest frat guy ever and he goes after the average-looking and slightly annoying Amanda Bynes. He serenades her in the library and gives her roses, and he's nice to her dorky outcast friends. He also helps rebuild their house, oh you know, because he's just nice. I don't really understand why Amanda Bynes is so against dating him. Oh, and if you're still not convinced, get this... the first time they hang out (because she refuses to go on a "date" with him) he takes her to a church to feed the poor. Umm... can you be any more perfect?

Fighting the Flu

Doctors have tried to explain to me what happens when you get the flu and why you need a flu shot, but no matter what they say, it's still so confusing. I've decided to make a comic about what I think happens when you get a flu shot.

Here is your white blood cells

and here is the flu virus

Your white blood cells are untrained and unprotected from the flu, so you need to get a flu shot in order to prepare them for battle. (i.e fighting the flu). By getting the flu shot, you give your white blood cells the tools they need to defend themselves and the rest of your body.

That way, when this happens....

.... your white blood cells are able to respond by having an epic battle inside of you.

I bet you didn't even know that they save your little red blood cells too.

And you end up being a-okay!

If you don't get the flu shot.... 

.... be prepared for chaos.

3:10

My thoughts during my afternoon math class

3:10

Aaah it’s 3:10 and my last class of the day is almost over. It kind of sucks that this class goes until 3:20 Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but there’s nothing I could really do about it. I had to take this class sooner or later. It doesn’t really look like anyone in this class is stoked to take it either. There seems to be a lot of blank stares. It’s crazy how many guys are in this class compared to how many girls. There’s a pretty significant difference. Like.... 14, 15, 16 guys and 5, 6, 7 girls myself included. Well, now I know where all the guys are.... They aren’t hiding under rocks on the quad. They’re hiding under a rock known as Roop Hall. I guess math and physics classes are where they are. Too bad I hate both of those topics. I’m about as excited for this class as I was when the Seahawks beat the Redskins.... not happy. At least my professor seems excited. He’s practically jumping off the walls talking about experiments with ping-pong balls. Or wait, what is he talking about now? I can hardly understand him. He starts every sentence talking clear, but then it turns into a quiet mumble. And I can’t tell if he has a Michigan accent or a Texas accent. It’s kind of a mix of both. Shoot, I really can’t understand what he’s saying. I guess I’ll add 'My math professor voice' to my list of things I don’t understand. That along with organic chemistry and the 'Speed checked by aircraft signs' on I-81. Do they really have aircraft flying around radaring us? I don’t think so. Stupid signs. But seriously, am I the only one who doesn’t even know what he’s saying right now? The guy with dreads on my right seems to be absorbing this. Hello future group partner! And to my left.... nope.... he’s online shopping. Well, one thing I’ve noticed about this professor is that he loves to stare. Haha poor girl in front! He’s giving you the laser glare. He’s not gonna break eye contact with you until… crap! Now he’s staring at me! Ahhh! What do I do? Should I look away? Yes, I’ll look at the clock. No! I can’t look at the clock. Then he’ll think I’m bored and even though I am, I can’t show weakness. Must. Stare. Back. I can’t do it. Looking down. What a nice keyboard! Actually you can barely see the letter 'F' so I take that back. Okay, he’s probably not looking anymore. I’d say it’s safe to look back up.... Nope. What the heck?! He’s still staring! Stop it! Look at the guy with dreads. He’s cool. Yes? Aaah finally. He’s looking at dreads guy. I mean, I wouldn’t blame him. He has such cool hair. And are those beads I see? Oops! Now I’m staring at him too. Ugh, this class needs to be over. I guess its safe to look at the clock again. It has to have been almost ten minutes now....

3:11

Shit. This is gonna be a long semester.