3:10

My thoughts during my afternoon math class

3:10

Aaah it’s 3:10 and my last class of the day is almost over. It kind of sucks that this class goes until 3:20 Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but there’s nothing I could really do about it. I had to take this class sooner or later. It doesn’t really look like anyone in this class is stoked to take it either. There seems to be a lot of blank stares. It’s crazy how many guys are in this class compared to how many girls. There’s a pretty significant difference. Like.... 14, 15, 16 guys and 5, 6, 7 girls myself included. Well, now I know where all the guys are.... They aren’t hiding under rocks on the quad. They’re hiding under a rock known as Roop Hall. I guess math and physics classes are where they are. Too bad I hate both of those topics. I’m about as excited for this class as I was when the Seahawks beat the Redskins.... not happy. At least my professor seems excited. He’s practically jumping off the walls talking about experiments with ping-pong balls. Or wait, what is he talking about now? I can hardly understand him. He starts every sentence talking clear, but then it turns into a quiet mumble. And I can’t tell if he has a Michigan accent or a Texas accent. It’s kind of a mix of both. Shoot, I really can’t understand what he’s saying. I guess I’ll add 'My math professor voice' to my list of things I don’t understand. That along with organic chemistry and the 'Speed checked by aircraft signs' on I-81. Do they really have aircraft flying around radaring us? I don’t think so. Stupid signs. But seriously, am I the only one who doesn’t even know what he’s saying right now? The guy with dreads on my right seems to be absorbing this. Hello future group partner! And to my left.... nope.... he’s online shopping. Well, one thing I’ve noticed about this professor is that he loves to stare. Haha poor girl in front! He’s giving you the laser glare. He’s not gonna break eye contact with you until… crap! Now he’s staring at me! Ahhh! What do I do? Should I look away? Yes, I’ll look at the clock. No! I can’t look at the clock. Then he’ll think I’m bored and even though I am, I can’t show weakness. Must. Stare. Back. I can’t do it. Looking down. What a nice keyboard! Actually you can barely see the letter 'F' so I take that back. Okay, he’s probably not looking anymore. I’d say it’s safe to look back up.... Nope. What the heck?! He’s still staring! Stop it! Look at the guy with dreads. He’s cool. Yes? Aaah finally. He’s looking at dreads guy. I mean, I wouldn’t blame him. He has such cool hair. And are those beads I see? Oops! Now I’m staring at him too. Ugh, this class needs to be over. I guess its safe to look at the clock again. It has to have been almost ten minutes now....

3:11

Shit. This is gonna be a long semester.

10 Students You See in the Library During Finals

1. The student who clearly has had way too much coffee

2. The territorial animal. This student may glare at you as you pass. And it's not just any old glare. It's a "I want to burn your insides, and destroy all the happy thoughts you've ever had... and I also hate puppies" glare. If you look at this student for too long, they may growl at you. They also probably chew on the tables with their pointy little teeth. I've never actually observed this, but I'm 99.99% sure it happens. And 60% of the time, I'm right all the time. #anchorman

Carrier Cave Student

3. The mega-super-overstressed student. Sometimes they get lost behind their stack of books, and sometimes they pull out their own hair, or the hair of others around them. I wouldn't recommend sitting next to them... or interacting with them.
You: "Are you oka--"
Them: "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!"

4. The wannabe library hipster. This student just wants to be in the library during finals week because everyone else is. They're not really that stressed out, they don't really have very many finals, they are on facebook 90% of the time they are there, and they take up one more spot in the already packed library. They are just pretending to be stressed out, but they aren't really. I hate these people


5. The student who hasn't seen the outside world in a week... or maybe a month... or a year... or wait... what does the word "outside" mean again?

Carrier Cave Student

6. The overnighter. This student carries around their computer, their books, and their toothbrush. They also pay rent to the library. "200 year old books make great pillows!"


7. The statue

5 HOURS LATER

8. The possibly dead student. Either poke them with a stick to see if they're still alive, or keep walking.

9. The rag doll. This person is usually found sprawled out across a desk or chair in an inhuman position that can't possibly be comfortable.

10. The student who doesn't even go here

"Hi there! I'm not really sure where I am, but I just like mingling!"

(Yes, I've seen this. Why you would want to spend time in the library during finals week out of free will, I have no idea)

It is very possibly to be more than one of these at the same time.

The Dentist II

Every time I go to the dentist.

In my defense, their walls are a putrid yellow color soooo....

The original Dentist post

The Usual Checklist

Every time I come home from college, there is a checklist of "usual" things that happen. The first night home is always the best because I love the usual checklist.

#1: My dog, Dakota, pees in the driveway when I pull up because she's so excited to see me. I spend a solid 10 minutes provoking her into running in pointless circles around the yard. I've gotten over the fact that my neighbors probably think this is a weird interaction between person and dog. That's probably why they have cats.

#2: I immediately do some chores because that's how everyone is greeted upon arriving home.... right?

#3: I pick up my brother, Matt, from whatever sports practice he is at, and I'm reminded why I'm so glad to be done with high school. Oakton looks like a jail for misfit vampires. As we drive home, my brother and I catch up. We have deep conversations like, "Sup?" and "Cool." Does this make me a "Bro"? Crap. We actually catch up later though.

#4: I get back home and Dakota repeats #1 because her memory span is short. She is what some scholars would call "unintelligent".

#5: I sit like a potato on the couch and absorb the fact that I'm home.

#6: I wait for my youngest brother, David, to get home, and hide from him. It's a tradition for me to hide and make him search for me before he can give me a welcome home hug. But this time is different. He arrives home earlier than I expect. I am still sitting on the couch out in the open. But David is so excited that he runs past me, heading straight for my room. I sit in disbelief that he didn't even notice me on the couch. He eventually realizes it.

#7: Everyone is productive. My parents make the welcome home steak dinner. David unloads the dishwasher and sets the table. I am productive too! I chase Dakota around the kitchen, creating chaos and making her bark. I bark back causing her to bark more because she doesn't understand why I am barking at her. I know my family enjoys this because my dad is always like, "OKAY!!! That's enough!!!" aaaahh.... productivity.

#8: As dinner is ending, Dad and I make bets on if Dakota will eat a piece of broccoli if it's dipped on leftover steak juices. I say no. He says yes. We watch Dakota and treat it like a football game, cheering for her. She is confused and spits out the broccoli after licking off all the steak juice. I win. My Dad yells, "Nooooo!!!" and I yell, "Yeahhhh!". My Mom rolls her eyes. 

#9: David and I play wii for a little while. David gets serious about what game we're playing. I don't. I sing an annoying top 40 song throughout the entire game just to annoy him.

#10: I wind down for the night. Maybe I'll have dessert, maybe I'll visit my friend across the street, or maybe I'll hunt for flying pigs. Who knows? I'm home from college. Anything can happen.

Things I Love and Not Love About My iPhone 4s

LOVE- Siri. There are not enough words to be said about Siri. She is great. I can have an entire text conversation with someone without having to look at my phone. She can tell painfully dry jokes, she can sing with no tune at all, she can tweet for you, she can launch any app, she can tell you that the Redskins are getting crushed by every other football team in existence, and she can even bake you a freaking cake! Maybe I’m getting a little too excited about Siri. She can’t bake you a cake, but she can look up a picture of a cake! You can also change the language of Siri. There’s even a British Siri but “she” has a man voice so it gets kind of weird….

NOT LOVE- The phone is too big for your pockets (unless you're a guy and have mary-poppins’-never-ending-bag-pockets) so you have to carry it around in your hand like an awkward manchild.

LOVE- You can fast forward when listening to voicemail. Goodbye long rambling voicemails about ping-pong balls and morbidly obese chicken turtles.

NOT LOVE- The snooze time on the alarm is 9 minutes and you can’t change it. 9 freaking minutes! Whose idea was that?! Better yet, whose idea was it to make it so you can’t change it? I feel your pain OCD perfectionists. I feel your pain.

LOVE- You can make your ringtone or text alert just about anything. If you haven’t heard mine already, it’s Borat’s voice shouting, “You have new text message!!! Hi-five!!!” It’s the definition of annoying, but it’s more like an awesome annoying.

NOT LOVE- My phone automatically makes all my facebook friends my phone contacts so I have like a thousand phone numbers. If you’re reading this, I probably have your number…. Because my phone is creepy. I apologize for my phone being creepy.

LOVE- When you’re texting, all you have to do to put in a period is double space  It’s really nice because you don’t have to change the keyboard just to put in punctuation  However, I get too used to this and I start forgetting that you can’t just double space for everything so I end up writing sentences like this

NOT LOVE- If you’re typing something in google search and misspell a word, you have to delete everything just to fix the one word. 

LOVE- My calendar automatically adds everyone’s birthday so I don’t have to do it manually. It makes me look like I have a lot of friends.

NOT LOVE- The camera angle is awful when you’re trying to skype or make a facetime call. Seriously, no one looks good from this angle.

I hope you appreciate the extremely unflattering picture of me. You're welcome.

Why I Don't Do Haunted Houses

When it comes to haunted houses, I am the biggest coward you will ever meet. There is nothing you could do to convince me to go through a haunted house. “Thankfully, I’m always surrounded with a wall of muscular guys that will protect me”, said no one ever. Ryan Gosling would literally have to carry me though a haunted house and I would be in his arms, eyes closed, and probably crying…. And groping his sculpted abs.

Why am I so afraid of haunted houses, you ask? I don’t really know. I like to pin it on this one house I went through when I was in California 3 summers ago….

I was staying with my friend, Erica, and we decided to spend a day at Universal Studios. I don’t know why we thought it would be fun to go through the Universal Studios haunted house, but we did. Well sort of. We never made it through the entire house.

You see, the first thing the house staff told us was, “The scary people might try to split you up, so good luck finding your way through the house together.” Ummm… Like shit you’ll split us up. There’s no way that’s happening. That’s like the cardinal rule in scary movies: always stay together. Nothing good ever comes out of splitting up. Ever. Plus, I have this thing called a death grip, which translates to “you will need a diamond crow bar to pry my hands off of whoever’s shirt I am desperately grasping in front of me.” Last year in the UREC “haunted walk”, my lucky victim was a guy wearing a skeleton sweatshirt who called himself Skeletor. My grip was so tight that I wrinkled his sweatshirt and probably cut off blood flow to his brain. Poor Skeletor.

Anyway, Erica and I were both clutching eachother’s arms as we were forced through this sick joke they called an “attraction”. After we had the shit scared out of us in Alfred Hitchcock themed room, we asked the guy guarding the emergency exit if we could just turn around and go back. Actually, we pleaded with him. I was not above getting on my knees and begging, but he was all like, “hahahahahahahaha… no.” You know that feeling you get when you settle for a parking spot really far away after spending forever looking for one, and then as you are walking through the parking lot, you see someone drive up and find an empty spot in the first row? That loathing you feel for that person? That’s how I felt about that guard, and as much as I’d like to say we suckapunched his throat and walked out the exit anyway, we didn’t. Instead, we pitifully shuffled into the next room.

The second room was “Chucky” themed. If you are unaware of who, or what Chucky is, here is a picture.

Need I say more? Both of us were done. We were not about to have a life-sized Chucky jump out at us. Erica asked if I wanted to just leave out the next unguarded door we could find, and I remember mumbling a practically incoherent yes. We saw a door at the other side of the room and began to make our way towards it, careful to stay away from anything that looked like it could be a real person. We were about halfway there when someone else jumped out. I like to call her white Frankenstein lady because she was wearing all white, had white hair in the same style as Marge Simpson, and was butt ugly. A real life Tim Burton creation.

Did white Frankenstein lady leave us alone after she jumped out? Nope. She screamed at Erica and I, and we ran. Erica was booking it to the nearest exit and dragging me behind her. We had both lost it and were screaming, but you know who else was screaming? White Frankenstein lady. As I was being dragged, I looked to my right to see white Frankenstein lady running beside me and still screaming at me. Out of instinct I was yelling, “STOP IT! I HATE YOU! STOP! PLEASE!” even though I know the scary people never actually listen to you. Shit no one says scary people don’t say, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. Shame on me.”

I don’t know how Erica managed to finally make it to the door, but next thing I knew, we were standing in the sunlight somewhere backstage of the haunted house, and white Frankenstein lady was no where to be seen. My guess is that she either stayed in the house, or got vaporized by the sunlight. Most likely she was vaporized. We were both glad to be out of that house and swore never to go in again, unless Zac Efron (who I had literally bumped into earlier that day) would be in our group.

I haven’t made it more than 6 feet inside a haunted house since. Please don’t ever try to convince me to go into one because I will probably cry more than a girl watching a Nicholas Sparks film.

As an extra, here's how Erica and I acted in the haunted house. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1VAC5bFN-E

The Life Truck

What it feels like to be sick when you still have a s*** ton of homework to do....

I call it, getting hit by the life truck.... and it sucks.