DayDay-
High school has a bad stigma. You can thank Hollywood for that. And I'm not here to defend it, but I'm here to warn you not to make the same mistake I did. It took me till end of Senior year to realize that I'd miss one small but dominating part about high school. Running.
I'm so glad I at least won that battle with you. Or maybe running did it all by itself. But thank God nonetheless. I want you to appreciate the moments while their happening, not near the end when you're forced to focus on the future. High school sucks sometimes, (believe me, I won't easily forget my first all-nighter thanks to English honors) but please love the temporary family you have.
Sometimes your generation scares me. It's all the technology thats been shoved in front of your face. You're too busy "fixing things on computer screens" and so worried about capturing the moment that you miss experiencing it. Sometimes, I'm guilty of that too.
But running slows it all down if you take just a moment to let it.
Notice how much time and energy everyone gives to the sport, and how happy they are to do it. Notice how everyone just wanders around at practice. Some are in a hurry, some are not, some make a beeline to their destination, and some do not. Notice that at any meet, people will bring homework, but most people won't be giving it 100% of their attention because it's just too hard to focus when you have pre-race nerves. Notice how people will call personal rivals by their school's name. Notice the blankets. Notice that even in the blistering cold that so many people complain about, there will always be happy runners. Notice the weird rituals and habits runners have. Notice the officials that are dedicating their day to help make sure you get a chance to improve your time. Notice the first hint of spring while you're running on a trail. Notice that everyone is so eager for it to get warm, that they'll still wear long sleeves but they'll pair it with shorts because for some reason, your legs can handle the coolness better than your arms. Notice all the trees that are still dead, but notice there is something that makes them seem more alive just knowing they are about to be. Notice that even though there is stress over running a home meet, there's also an ease and calmness about it. Notice the new shoes. Notice how a warm light rain will wake people up. Notice how the smiles are always genuine, but even more so when summer starts to approach. Notice how the seniors will start to be nostalgic.
We were all friends because we were all going through this sport that took over our lives in the best way possible. We spent both Proms at track meets, but so did all our closest friends. We coined terms that defined our whole season. We listened to a then unknown artist named Taylor Swift. We raided the old track clothes closet and found clothes from 1997. We gossiped about running drama. We napped before practice. We ate junk food. We laughed.
Your running experience will seem so distant when you hit my age, and I'm not even old. Meets were sometimes the best part about track because they were rare compared to every other distance run, workout, or stretch. Don't let nerves or too much focus on what you need to do during the race get in the way of enjoying the fact that you're there, because that's more than some people get.
And finally, always always always try to see the fun/weirdness/uniqueness in everything, treasure the little moments with whoever you're around, and be open to listening to what people have to say. Sometimes the best life advice you receive comes from a stranger on a straightaway.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Los Angeles Meets Rain
I've been in Los Angeles for about 2 months now. Since I've been here, I've been hit on countless times by creepy guys, seen Mark Wahlberg on the red carpet, partied on the beach, been told "No offense, but you look like Gwyneth Paltrow", visited the late Marilyn Monroe, played beach volleyball in 75 degree mid-November weather, and gone to a live taping of Jimmy Kimmel. But none of that compares to what I experienced a few days ago. On Thursday night, it rained... no... sprinkled in LA.
I swear to God, people here lost their shit.
As I'm leaving the parking garage on UCLA's campus, I notice that it's sprinkling out. And by "sprinkling" I mean that kind of rain that hardly justifies using your windshield wipers. This is where the chaos began.
I thought I was the crazy one for not turning on my windshield wipers, but no. I was very wrong. There were at least two other cars around me that had their wipers on full blast.
NOT ONE DROP OF WATER WILL TOUCH THIS WINDSHIELD OR SO HELP ME GOD!
WHAT IS THIS WET STUFF COMING OUT OF THE SKY?!? IS IT DANGEROUS? IT MUST BE DANGEROUS!
HOW DO I USE THESE WIPER THINGS?!?
Dude, these LA drivers were slamming on their brakes just to cross a small trickle of water that crossed the road... and they were only going 30mph to begin with. People were also going 15mph on a STRAIGHT on-ramp to a 65mph freeway. I was worried this would be problematic because it would be hard to merge with the faster cars, but I was wrong again. No one in LA drives fast when it's raining. Rain is like snow here. The speed of the cars on the freeway?
35mph.
Was there traffic?
Nope.
The amount of cars that had their brights on?
Way too many.
I don't know if they thought the brighter lights would help them see through the rain, but at one point it was to the point where I couldn't even tell if it was actually raining anymore. But honestly, you know how I know that people were completely overwhelmed by the small amount of water coming from the sky?
I was driving behind numerous people in the left-most lane on the freeway with their LEFT BLINKER ON.... for miles. Like at least 10 miles.
I'm telling you, it amusingly pathetic. I'm told this regularly happens to drivers during the first rain of the season. I really hope that's true.
In Virginia, when it downpours so hard that you can barely see the car in front of you, it seems like there will always be people pulled over under an overpass waiting for it to lighten up. BUT, there will always be more people still flying down the highway at 80mph.
I miss you, Virginia drivers.
I swear to God, people here lost their shit.
As I'm leaving the parking garage on UCLA's campus, I notice that it's sprinkling out. And by "sprinkling" I mean that kind of rain that hardly justifies using your windshield wipers. This is where the chaos began.
I thought I was the crazy one for not turning on my windshield wipers, but no. I was very wrong. There were at least two other cars around me that had their wipers on full blast.
NOT ONE DROP OF WATER WILL TOUCH THIS WINDSHIELD OR SO HELP ME GOD!
WHAT IS THIS WET STUFF COMING OUT OF THE SKY?!? IS IT DANGEROUS? IT MUST BE DANGEROUS!
HOW DO I USE THESE WIPER THINGS?!?
Dude, these LA drivers were slamming on their brakes just to cross a small trickle of water that crossed the road... and they were only going 30mph to begin with. People were also going 15mph on a STRAIGHT on-ramp to a 65mph freeway. I was worried this would be problematic because it would be hard to merge with the faster cars, but I was wrong again. No one in LA drives fast when it's raining. Rain is like snow here. The speed of the cars on the freeway?
35mph.
Was there traffic?
Nope.
The amount of cars that had their brights on?
Way too many.
I don't know if they thought the brighter lights would help them see through the rain, but at one point it was to the point where I couldn't even tell if it was actually raining anymore. But honestly, you know how I know that people were completely overwhelmed by the small amount of water coming from the sky?
I was driving behind numerous people in the left-most lane on the freeway with their LEFT BLINKER ON.... for miles. Like at least 10 miles.
I'm telling you, it amusingly pathetic. I'm told this regularly happens to drivers during the first rain of the season. I really hope that's true.
In Virginia, when it downpours so hard that you can barely see the car in front of you, it seems like there will always be people pulled over under an overpass waiting for it to lighten up. BUT, there will always be more people still flying down the highway at 80mph.
I miss you, Virginia drivers.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Dear Grandma
It's crazy to think that it's been two months since you left us. I like to think that you didn't really leave us, rather you decided it was time to join grandpa. (Who knows what kind of havoc he's causing in heaven.) I try to think of your death in a more positive way to make the pain of losing you a little easier. There's a few scars left that I'm not sure will ever heal, but that's not your concern. It's for us to work through. Grief brings out strange things in people and I guess I never really witnessed the depth of that until you left.
It's taken a little while for your absence to sink in for me. That week you were sick was such a whirlwind. Even though I saw you every day, it wasn't the same as sitting around a table happily sipping coffee and playing cards together. I hope you knew everyone was there for you. We played cards, we talked, we watched tv, and we prayed. It was nice.
I think to really starting to hit me though. Trips up to visit you were such a unique part of my young adulthood. There were so many times I was just happy to be there in the moment with you. So many things I can't really describe. Remember that lady down the hall? She always knew how to make a moment a little less tense.
God, there are so many funny little moments. Remember when we brought in that cake, but we forgot utensils. Didn't know the meaning of desperate until I was eating chocolate cake with my hands. And remember that time you told that random family that I was prettier than they're daughter? I appreciate your inappropriate passive compliments. And oh, remember when you told me that the best way to get a boyfriend was to find a guy and trip him? Still have yet to see that work out for me, but sound advice nonetheless. Oh how I wish we had more time to make more memories! And I wish I had more time to thank you for the ones we did get.
You know grandma, the main reason I'm writing this is because of one memory I wish I could've thanked you for while you were still here. It's funny because it's the oldest memory I have of you, but it's always been my favorite. Remember your teddy bear collection at the beach house? Well I remember one summer when we were visiting you and grandpa, I spent a whole morning crying because I forgot my orange beanie baby bear at home. You let me pick out one of your bears from your collection to help make me feel better. I chose "Teddy", the big brown bear with a missing nose. You told me that if I hugged him, he'd make me feel better, so I did. And he did. I still have Teddy. He's one of the few stuffed animals that I keep around. I swear you put magic in him because I still hug him to feel better sometimes. Do we ever really lose the kid in us?
He's what inspired me to thank you, even though I guess it's too late to do it in person. I hope you know how much I cherish that memory. So thank you for Teddy, and just.... Thank you!
I miss you, grandma!
I love you to the stars and back!
Yours truly,
Alison
Thursday, September 11, 2014
6 Useless Things I Wish The iPhone 6 Would Do
With the upcoming release of the new iPhone 6 from Apple, I got to thinking about all the changes Apple has made to their phones since the release of the first iPhone. Then, being me, I thought about all the changes Apple could make to their phones that would be completely useless, if not utterly annoying. So here's 6 useless things Apple could do to their new iPhone 6.
Give a "20% battery used up" warning so you know when you're at 80% instead of a "20% of battery remaining" warning.
Have Siri be able to trash talk S-voice when she is around a Samsung phone and Cortana when she is around a Windows phone. Quickest way to make friends is by having your phone talk shit about their phone right in front of them, right?
Play theme music based on your mood when you're walking around.
Have a "Shazam"-like app that only identifies bird calls. I have talked about this idea with classmates before. Don't ask.
Come with a remote control so you don' even have to touch your phone to make it work.
Periodically change a word to one of its synonyms as you text. It would either make you sound smarter, or [smarter]. Amicorrect?
Give a "20% battery used up" warning so you know when you're at 80% instead of a "20% of battery remaining" warning.
Have Siri be able to trash talk S-voice when she is around a Samsung phone and Cortana when she is around a Windows phone. Quickest way to make friends is by having your phone talk shit about their phone right in front of them, right?
Play theme music based on your mood when you're walking around.
Have a "Shazam"-like app that only identifies bird calls. I have talked about this idea with classmates before. Don't ask.
Come with a remote control so you don' even have to touch your phone to make it work.
Periodically change a word to one of its synonyms as you text. It would either make you sound smarter, or [smarter]. Amicorrect?
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Dancing Baby Groot
Hey Guys-
Sorry I haven't done a post this month, but it's currently a very stressful time for me. There's a lot going on so I haven't gotten around to finishing up any of my drafts. I do have a new post coming soon so I will post that hopefully within the next week or two. Until then, enjoy this wonderfully cute video of a baby Groot dancing to the Jackson 5. And if you don't know what a "Groot" is, I recommend you go see Guardians of the Galaxy ASAP.
Cheers!
Sorry I haven't done a post this month, but it's currently a very stressful time for me. There's a lot going on so I haven't gotten around to finishing up any of my drafts. I do have a new post coming soon so I will post that hopefully within the next week or two. Until then, enjoy this wonderfully cute video of a baby Groot dancing to the Jackson 5. And if you don't know what a "Groot" is, I recommend you go see Guardians of the Galaxy ASAP.
Cheers!
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Short Stories
When someone says we're eating pasta for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner, I'm like....
When people ask me if I like country music....
When there is no more chocolate left....
When I go on family vacations, sometimes I feel like the girlfriend from Parent Trap....
When I walk into my room and see a spider....
And when I gathering enough courage to kill said spider in my room, I'm like....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J27mHpL5LT0
When people ask me if I like country music....
 |
| Does Taylor Swift count? |
When there is no more chocolate left....
When I go on family vacations, sometimes I feel like the girlfriend from Parent Trap....
When I walk into my room and see a spider....
And when I gathering enough courage to kill said spider in my room, I'm like....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J27mHpL5LT0
Monday, June 9, 2014
Fangirling
Like every other normal girl, I go through fangirl phases in my life. Urban dictionary defines fangirling as, "The reaction a fangirl has to any mention or sighting of the object of her "affection". These reactions include shortness of breath, fainting, high pitched noises, shaking, fierce head shaking as if in the midst of a seizure, endless blog posts, etc." A fangirl phase for me is when I become slightly obsessed with a famous guy, and yes, it seems that I am writing a blog post about it. Well played Urban dictionary. My first real fangirl phase was back in 2003 over Jeremy Sumpter when he played Peter Pan in the 10 millionth remake of that movie. I remember lying awake the night after I watched the movie hoping against all hopes that Tinkerbell would take me away to meet Jeremy. Never happened. I got over that phase as soon as he got slightly fat in some random baseball movie a couple years later.
The next fangirl phase I can remember embarrassingly enough was Taylor Lautner. Confession: There's a picture of him in one of my old diaries. Like a "Sharkboy and Lava Girl" picture. Forgot that he did that movie, did you? Yeah, I'd like to forget that too. And I'm sure he would also agree. There's a karate dance scene he does that's more than horrendous. Now I'm kind of appalled by the fact I liked him that much. Twilight pretty much shit on the reputations of all those actors. Except Kristen Stewart's. Having one emotion during a movie doesn't really make you an actress so....
After those two fangirl phases, I went through a lot of small celebrity crushes. Zac Efron, Adam Levine (before the awful blonde hair), JGL, Shemar Moore, Ryan Gosling... the list goes on. I have a Pinterest page for all of the men I like, so visit that. My point is, it's been awhile since I've gone through another hardcore "fangirl" phase.
Until Matt Hires.
I know that's not a big name at all, but believe me he's worth a check out on iTunes. He deserves to be more well known.
But in all seriousness... I'm obsessed. I recently went to his concert, which was more like 30 people standing around listening to music than an actual concert, but hey! That's what you get from a not-so-well-known artist. And it allowed me to be closer to him, like nothing-separating-us-but-air close. I'm actually not that obsessed (or maybe I'm just really good at hiding my "high pitched noises and fierce head shaking as if in the midst of a seizure" as urban dictionary would claim) but I do truly love him as an artist and if given the chance would marry him. I will come to my senses soon and realize the absurdity of what I'm saying but until now, I am allowed to go on and on about how much I love Matt Hires. Because I'm fangirling.
After the concert, Lanie and I and two nice guys we met there, talked to him and his band for about an hour. I was literally quivering in excitement when he let us take 2 failed photos with him before we actually got a good one. I'm also pretty sure I made him giggle about our incompetence over taking pictures. Don't care if he was laughing with me or at me, I heard a tiny giggle and I pride myself in that. He was also like, "Sorry I'm pretty sweaty after being on stage" and I'm all like, "Sorry I'm pretty shaky after being in your presence" (I didn't actually say that to him, but I was thinking it). I did let out some high pitched noises when I was notified later that night that he favorited all of my tweets that mentioned him even if I didn't tag him in the post. It's the little things for me.
Well, I guess for now that's enough of my fangirl emotions spilled out into a blogpost for the world to see. I will definitely be a fan of Matt long after my fangirl phase is over, but for the moment let me have this.
The next fangirl phase I can remember embarrassingly enough was Taylor Lautner. Confession: There's a picture of him in one of my old diaries. Like a "Sharkboy and Lava Girl" picture. Forgot that he did that movie, did you? Yeah, I'd like to forget that too. And I'm sure he would also agree. There's a karate dance scene he does that's more than horrendous. Now I'm kind of appalled by the fact I liked him that much. Twilight pretty much shit on the reputations of all those actors. Except Kristen Stewart's. Having one emotion during a movie doesn't really make you an actress so....
After those two fangirl phases, I went through a lot of small celebrity crushes. Zac Efron, Adam Levine (before the awful blonde hair), JGL, Shemar Moore, Ryan Gosling... the list goes on. I have a Pinterest page for all of the men I like, so visit that. My point is, it's been awhile since I've gone through another hardcore "fangirl" phase.
Until Matt Hires.
I know that's not a big name at all, but believe me he's worth a check out on iTunes. He deserves to be more well known.
But in all seriousness... I'm obsessed. I recently went to his concert, which was more like 30 people standing around listening to music than an actual concert, but hey! That's what you get from a not-so-well-known artist. And it allowed me to be closer to him, like nothing-separating-us-but-air close. I'm actually not that obsessed (or maybe I'm just really good at hiding my "high pitched noises and fierce head shaking as if in the midst of a seizure" as urban dictionary would claim) but I do truly love him as an artist and if given the chance would marry him. I will come to my senses soon and realize the absurdity of what I'm saying but until now, I am allowed to go on and on about how much I love Matt Hires. Because I'm fangirling.
After the concert, Lanie and I and two nice guys we met there, talked to him and his band for about an hour. I was literally quivering in excitement when he let us take 2 failed photos with him before we actually got a good one. I'm also pretty sure I made him giggle about our incompetence over taking pictures. Don't care if he was laughing with me or at me, I heard a tiny giggle and I pride myself in that. He was also like, "Sorry I'm pretty sweaty after being on stage" and I'm all like, "Sorry I'm pretty shaky after being in your presence" (I didn't actually say that to him, but I was thinking it). I did let out some high pitched noises when I was notified later that night that he favorited all of my tweets that mentioned him even if I didn't tag him in the post. It's the little things for me.
Well, I guess for now that's enough of my fangirl emotions spilled out into a blogpost for the world to see. I will definitely be a fan of Matt long after my fangirl phase is over, but for the moment let me have this.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Passing Conversations Part 2
The passing conversations I've heard during my last semester at JMU....
Part 1
Pink- said by a girl
Blue- said by a boy
They have deep fried stuff everywhere because people aren't getting fat and dying fast enough
Part 1
Pink- said by a girl
Blue- said by a boy
God I have so much back sweat right now
In my opinion that is the most badass sound a man can make. That rough deep Japanese samurai yell
How did he manage to decapitate himself? I mean, wouldn't that hurt?
So ketchup and rice is not a good combo, huh?
No no no. I want a plushy toothless toy.
Apparently there was a couple murdered in their basement. So we went down there with only one flashlight
Do you want to mention something about her limbs too?
Well we wouldn't be doing science without talking about things with weird names
Play with your flubber for awhile and see what happens
I was mortified so I ripped him to pieces... literally
I don't want to be the guy who comes in late and is like what's up bitches
Guy 1: It's like a straight line to cut through
Guy 2: So like a triangle?
Guy 1: Yeah. Well no. It's like one of those weird triangles. Like the ones where you don't really know if it's a triangle. You know what I'm talking about?
Guy 2: Oh yeah.
Sometimes I just go home on the weekend to see my dog. I miss him more than my parents
I've never taken more than 15 credits.
Wha- how are you GRADUATING?!?
How 'bout instead of the limit does not exist, we say math does not exist... therefor there is no answer and no homework to do for this stupid class
He was like a mix between the old Michael Jackson and the new one
I LOVE bald old men. It's unhealthy.
His name is Sebastian, so we call him Se-badass-tian
Girl: If I wait for the bus any longer I'm going to get melanoma.
Guy: I'm pretty sure you can't get melanoma if it's overcast and raining...
Girl: Well... you know what I mean... That disease you get from getting cold and wet.
Guy: Pneumonia?
Girl: Whatever. I'm not a health science person
66 million years ago there was a dinosaur that was basically a chicken from hell
They're probably wondering why I'm stalking a 4 year old asian girl
They gave me a bottle of tequila and a ring pop and that's it.
Girl 1: My feet feel like grape jello right now
Girl 2: Why grape jello?
Girl 1: That's just how it is
Not many people know I'm an expert at regurgitating gross foods
Whatever it was, it was warm and sticky and had something hard in it
STAY C14SSY JMU!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
My Review of HGTV Shows
I have a problem. While I'm doing work and need background noise, you can be sure that I'll have HGTV on. You can sometimes tell that I've recently watched an HGTV show when your Pinterest fills up with "dream home" pins from me. You're welcome. But hey, on the plus side I've become a great HGTV critic. Don't get me wrong, I love a good HGTV show, but there are a lot of things that really bug me about them.
Flip or Flop
I've only seen a little bit of this show, but in the 3 episodes I've watched the guy always seems to think that, "If we can't flip this house and stay within our budget, it could cause us to lose too much money and our house flipping business will be doomed!!!!" First of all, you have this TV show and this episode is airing so clearly your business isn't doomed and you're doing just fine because, if you remember, YOU HAVE A SHOW ON HGTV!!! You can pay for these houses in all cash, so you're clearly financially fine. Also, house flipping is not as dramatic as your voice tone would suggest. It's not a life threatening disease... It's just a little mold. Chill dude.
Property Brothers
This is my favorite HGTV show because the brothers are genuinely funny, very attractive, and surprisingly good with kids. Don't ask me how I know that last part. But, every good show has a few problems. In this one, they make it seem so easy. It's like you can have this amazing personalized home for super cheap (in the home buying world of money, that is). Also, these people get theses fixer-uper homes and transform the master suite and living areas, which is great and all, but what about the rest of the originally disgusting home? Yeah, your kitchen and living room look like a million dollars, but don't your other bedrooms still have that God awful wall paper and stained carpet?
Love It Or List It
This is by far the most annoying HGTV show in the history of HGTV shows! The show is so scripted! I swear the hosts, Hilary and David, are Stacy and Clinton's annoying younger siblings. (Stacy and Clinton are from TLC's "What Not To Wear"). Like, couldn't they at least pretend to try to make up their own puns and taunts instead of talking to me like I have the education of a 12 year old? Plus, Hilary and David are always fighting. I know they think it's funny, but I'm not an idiot. And you're not a stand-up comedian. So please spare us all the fake bickering. If I wanted to watch bickering, I'd find old home videos of me and my brothers. P.S. Hilary can never stay on budget. You'd think she'd learn from the 50 times she's failed and tell the couple upfront there might be a few unforeseen plumbing/electrical problems, but no. Instead, she waits until they're in the middle of a huge project to tell the couple and then acts surprised when they get pissed off they have to give her another $2,000.
House Hunters
I swear to God.... 30% of this show is the couple actually looking for new houses and seeing all the different options they can get. The other 70% is that female narrator recapping what you just watched before the commercial break. "Amanda wants a move in ready home with double sinks in the master bathroom, but Jonathan wants a few projects around the house and is more concerned with storage space and budget. The couple wasn't interested in the first house because it was over budget and had little curb appeal. Realtor Jenny thinks this next house might give Jonathan the storage space he wants, and satisfy Amanda's need for the perfect bathroom..." And so on...
Property Virgins
I don't usually watch this show because it's probably the most boring. The couples on this show have no idea how much their money will realistically get them, and they focus on the wrong things. Who cares if the master bedroom doesn't have crown moldings. You should probably care more about the number of bedrooms, the cat pee stained carpet, and the old people smell that's been absorbed by the walls for the past 50 years. But I'm not an expert.
Flip or Flop
I've only seen a little bit of this show, but in the 3 episodes I've watched the guy always seems to think that, "If we can't flip this house and stay within our budget, it could cause us to lose too much money and our house flipping business will be doomed!!!!" First of all, you have this TV show and this episode is airing so clearly your business isn't doomed and you're doing just fine because, if you remember, YOU HAVE A SHOW ON HGTV!!! You can pay for these houses in all cash, so you're clearly financially fine. Also, house flipping is not as dramatic as your voice tone would suggest. It's not a life threatening disease... It's just a little mold. Chill dude.
Property Brothers
This is my favorite HGTV show because the brothers are genuinely funny, very attractive, and surprisingly good with kids. Don't ask me how I know that last part. But, every good show has a few problems. In this one, they make it seem so easy. It's like you can have this amazing personalized home for super cheap (in the home buying world of money, that is). Also, these people get theses fixer-uper homes and transform the master suite and living areas, which is great and all, but what about the rest of the originally disgusting home? Yeah, your kitchen and living room look like a million dollars, but don't your other bedrooms still have that God awful wall paper and stained carpet?
Love It Or List It
This is by far the most annoying HGTV show in the history of HGTV shows! The show is so scripted! I swear the hosts, Hilary and David, are Stacy and Clinton's annoying younger siblings. (Stacy and Clinton are from TLC's "What Not To Wear"). Like, couldn't they at least pretend to try to make up their own puns and taunts instead of talking to me like I have the education of a 12 year old? Plus, Hilary and David are always fighting. I know they think it's funny, but I'm not an idiot. And you're not a stand-up comedian. So please spare us all the fake bickering. If I wanted to watch bickering, I'd find old home videos of me and my brothers. P.S. Hilary can never stay on budget. You'd think she'd learn from the 50 times she's failed and tell the couple upfront there might be a few unforeseen plumbing/electrical problems, but no. Instead, she waits until they're in the middle of a huge project to tell the couple and then acts surprised when they get pissed off they have to give her another $2,000.
House Hunters
I swear to God.... 30% of this show is the couple actually looking for new houses and seeing all the different options they can get. The other 70% is that female narrator recapping what you just watched before the commercial break. "Amanda wants a move in ready home with double sinks in the master bathroom, but Jonathan wants a few projects around the house and is more concerned with storage space and budget. The couple wasn't interested in the first house because it was over budget and had little curb appeal. Realtor Jenny thinks this next house might give Jonathan the storage space he wants, and satisfy Amanda's need for the perfect bathroom..." And so on...
Property Virgins
I don't usually watch this show because it's probably the most boring. The couples on this show have no idea how much their money will realistically get them, and they focus on the wrong things. Who cares if the master bedroom doesn't have crown moldings. You should probably care more about the number of bedrooms, the cat pee stained carpet, and the old people smell that's been absorbed by the walls for the past 50 years. But I'm not an expert.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Haunted By Blondes
I was sprinting. Like really sprinting. It was the most free
I’d felt in a long time. My eyes were watering from the cool air and the wind was
blowing back my hair. I was flying down the road, but my legs weren’t the least
bit tired. He was right behind me, trying to keep up, but I knew, even though
his breathing was harder than mine, he would always remain right behind me. We
were running together, heading nowhere in particular, but running fast as to
get there as soon as we could.
Back in the parking garage, they had told us that it was
time for him to get in the car and leave, and both of us weren’t ready for that.
An older male adult started to approach us and made a movement to grab the boy,
so we started to run. We ran away from the car, away from the parking garage,
and away from the people telling us it was time to go.
So now there we were… sprinting. We started running down a
hill, and I could see my friend’s green car up ahead, slowly driving with a few
other cars. I was running fast enough that I closed the gap between the car and
I rather quickly. As I approached, I could see the window was rolled down so I
slowed my run to match the cars rolling speed. I waved at my friend as I came
closer to the window. She looked at me and with her usual smile she waved back.
“Haven’t seen him in awhile!” she said, her head gesturing
to the boy behind me.
“I know! But isn’t it great!” I called back, even though I
didn’t really know who he was. All I knew was that he was always right behind
me, wanting to run with me and wanting to follow me wherever we were heading.
I waved goodbye to my friend and cut down a path that led to
a bunch of baseball fields. I called out behind me to the boy, encouraging him
on, but he called back saying he was fine and not tired at all. But I already
knew that. For some reason it just comforted me to know he was still right
behind me. I knew I could look behind me to see if he was still there instead
of just calling out, but I didn’t dare. I didn’t dare look because there was a
thought in the back of my mind. I knew what would happen if I did look behind
me… at the boy… and I couldn’t let that happen… not yet. Not while we were
running and having so much fun feeling free. We entered the first baseball
field and ran through the dugout and across the outfield, passing a few
practicing players who cheered us on. We had to climb a fence and I worried it would
make me tired, but as I pulled my self over it, I was pleasantly surprised that
it didn’t cause my legs to burn with exhaustion.
We both made it over the fence with ease and plopped down in
the neighboring baseball field, but this one was different. There was a game
going on so we ran along the edge of the field. I approached one of the teams
by the dugout and had to stop running in order to weave pass them. But they
wouldn’t let me. Suddenly my legs felt tired and my breathing became heavier. I
could hear the same from the boy behind me. The coach of the team asked me what
I was doing and I told him that we had to run. We had to because it made us
feel free. The coach told me I couldn’t keep running with the boy and that it
was over.
I knew then that we had arrived to where we were going, and
that it was time to do what I had been dreading in the back of my mind. It was
time to turn around. To look at the boy behind me.
So I did.
He was younger than me. Not by much, but still a noticeable
difference. And he had blonde hair, the same color blonde as me. He was
smiling, but it was a sad sort of smile, like the kind you give someone who
tells you, “Everything is going to be alright”. I felt like he was my long lost
brother, and I was laying eyes on him for the first time in years.
“I’m fine! We don’t need to stop. I can do this. I could’ve
kept running with you. I could’ve! I know I could’ve”, he said, his sad smiling
eyes looking into mine.
“I never doubted you could”, I assured him.
Tears started to well up in my eyes. I knew what was coming.
But at this moment, everything was peaceful. Everything was perfect. Almost.
I reached out for him. To hold his hand if only just for a
second. To assure him that I’d always be there for him. But he was already
vanishing and I was waking up from my dream. I was losing him… again. My hand
grasped the air where his hand used to be… and I opened my eyes.
I don’t know who he is. I’ve never seen him before outside
of my dream world. I don’t know why he is always there, but I’m never able to
grab his hand. I’m never even able to look at him for long. I really wish I
could figure out what this means. Why I have reoccurring dreams where I am with
the blonde boy, but can never really
be with him. There are many different scenarios when I am with the boy, but
they always end the same. I find it rather funny how the mind works. How I can
vividly dream about someone I know, but have never met. How my dreams can be
haunted by a blonde.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Advice From a College Senior
Studying the difference between a Pepo and a Pome can really reinforce the fact that you know for sure you do not want to be a botanist or plant biologist... ever.
Give in-class group work a chance. You'd be surprised at how much it can help you learn or remember the material.
It's okay to get homesick
When your friend face plants in the snow while streaking, laugh at them as you run by because a friend helps you up. A best friend laughs.
There will be many times when you make eye contact with someone in your class and share a moment of, "Did she really just say that?" When that happens, you can both giggle. Shared moments are the best moments.
If a guy sings to you, cherish it. How many other people do you know that get serenaded?
Be yourself around new lab partners. You never know how many friends you'll make from lab partners.
It's okay to take half shots as a girl
Enjoy singing to Christmas music in the car in the middle of March
Don't rely on the curve. Rather, be thankful it helped you increase the grade you probably would've gotten. No wait, actually... rely on it
Do your share of the group work without being a total d***. Group work sucks for everyone.
Snow days are awesome until they cause Saturday classes
A night in eating home baked cookies and watching endless reruns of Criminal Minds with the people you love can be way more fun than going to a raging party with a lopsided girl to guy ratio
Be kind to the people living below you and more importantly, don't piss off the people living above you
Appreciate the unique quirks each of your professors have, whether it's a past hippie lifestyle, a love of goat sucking birds, or an Einstein style hairdo, they're all great.
Pursue friend crushes. It might end up with a free season of Glee for a week, or a night of margaritas
As much as you can, enjoy late nights in the library with classmates. Cherish the bonds formed over a mutual hatred of a professor, confusion over a lecture, or connection between Oxygen and Hydrogen... ha ha... get it?
If you get called out for dancing your ass off, just keep dancing.
When a professor reiterates what you just said but gets it completely wrong, just go with it. Even if you're thinking, "Yes, exactly... but also not really at all what I'm saying"
Speak up in class. It can win you major brownies points... or maybe just the points you need to get a good grade
That sketchy Mexican food truck on the side of the road might actually make the best tacos you've ever tasted. Just maybe avoid ordering anything with chihuahua or beef tongue in it.
Be brave. Even if that means going up to a group of cheering strangers without your roommate
You can never have too many people helping conquer the spider in your room or the tiny snake in your apartment
Be careful where you sit in class after the first week. People get territorial over "their seat" and they will bite you.
Sometimes friends of friends can become your best friends so always be open to meeting new people... even if your first encounter is sharing the front seat of a car.
Try to have a conversation with a maintenance worker that comes to fix something in your apartment or dorm. You'd be surprised about how much a 40 year old man with a daughter knows about Justin Bieber
Don't cry over spilled sheep blood in lab
Ordering delivery is always a good idea
Drunk people can be hilarious
Group work sucks, but if you make the best out of it and enjoy the weird characters you're working with, it might suck a little less.
Listen to your professors. Sometimes they have cool stories. And sometimes you might find out they're in a folk band
Don't be afraid to interact with the person sitting next to you
Go big on Halloween... just not "Mean Girls" big.
If the Redbull you just drank gives you the idea to run around your apartment complex in the rain on a Friday night, do it! It might actually be fun
Embrace some of the stereotypes surrounding your major. "Oh, did I put too many nails in the wall? Well, sorry, but I'm an art major. I can't count"
A friend can help you compose a perfect text
Get involved in as many things as you can freshman year. Some clubs may be fails because they end up smoking cigarettes more than saving the planet, while some groups can have you filming a make-shift Titanic scene in a fountain with friends.
These can be the best 4 years of your life if you make the most of it and cherish the little moments!
Give in-class group work a chance. You'd be surprised at how much it can help you learn or remember the material.
It's okay to get homesick
When your friend face plants in the snow while streaking, laugh at them as you run by because a friend helps you up. A best friend laughs.
There will be many times when you make eye contact with someone in your class and share a moment of, "Did she really just say that?" When that happens, you can both giggle. Shared moments are the best moments.
If a guy sings to you, cherish it. How many other people do you know that get serenaded?
Be yourself around new lab partners. You never know how many friends you'll make from lab partners.
It's okay to take half shots as a girl
Enjoy singing to Christmas music in the car in the middle of March
Don't rely on the curve. Rather, be thankful it helped you increase the grade you probably would've gotten. No wait, actually... rely on it
Do your share of the group work without being a total d***. Group work sucks for everyone.
Snow days are awesome until they cause Saturday classes
A night in eating home baked cookies and watching endless reruns of Criminal Minds with the people you love can be way more fun than going to a raging party with a lopsided girl to guy ratio
Be kind to the people living below you and more importantly, don't piss off the people living above you
Appreciate the unique quirks each of your professors have, whether it's a past hippie lifestyle, a love of goat sucking birds, or an Einstein style hairdo, they're all great.
Pursue friend crushes. It might end up with a free season of Glee for a week, or a night of margaritas
As much as you can, enjoy late nights in the library with classmates. Cherish the bonds formed over a mutual hatred of a professor, confusion over a lecture, or connection between Oxygen and Hydrogen... ha ha... get it?
If you get called out for dancing your ass off, just keep dancing.
When a professor reiterates what you just said but gets it completely wrong, just go with it. Even if you're thinking, "Yes, exactly... but also not really at all what I'm saying"
Speak up in class. It can win you major brownies points... or maybe just the points you need to get a good grade
That sketchy Mexican food truck on the side of the road might actually make the best tacos you've ever tasted. Just maybe avoid ordering anything with chihuahua or beef tongue in it.
Be brave. Even if that means going up to a group of cheering strangers without your roommate
You can never have too many people helping conquer the spider in your room or the tiny snake in your apartment
Be careful where you sit in class after the first week. People get territorial over "their seat" and they will bite you.
Sometimes friends of friends can become your best friends so always be open to meeting new people... even if your first encounter is sharing the front seat of a car.
Try to have a conversation with a maintenance worker that comes to fix something in your apartment or dorm. You'd be surprised about how much a 40 year old man with a daughter knows about Justin Bieber
Don't cry over spilled sheep blood in lab
Ordering delivery is always a good idea
Drunk people can be hilarious
Group work sucks, but if you make the best out of it and enjoy the weird characters you're working with, it might suck a little less.
Listen to your professors. Sometimes they have cool stories. And sometimes you might find out they're in a folk band
Don't be afraid to interact with the person sitting next to you
Go big on Halloween... just not "Mean Girls" big.
If the Redbull you just drank gives you the idea to run around your apartment complex in the rain on a Friday night, do it! It might actually be fun
Embrace some of the stereotypes surrounding your major. "Oh, did I put too many nails in the wall? Well, sorry, but I'm an art major. I can't count"
A friend can help you compose a perfect text
Get involved in as many things as you can freshman year. Some clubs may be fails because they end up smoking cigarettes more than saving the planet, while some groups can have you filming a make-shift Titanic scene in a fountain with friends.
These can be the best 4 years of your life if you make the most of it and cherish the little moments!
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Sexiest Men
February. I automatically associate February with Valentine's Day.... so naturally, I decided to make a "Sexiest Men" post.
*Also... Blogger did not notify me that I had forgotten to add an "e" in the title of Sexiest Men so it would have been Sexist Men... totally different meanings.... Thanks for not catching that Blogger.*
Adam Levine- I named him "sexiest man" before People Magazine did. Just ask my old roommate, Caryn, or anyone else who has been around me every time a Maroon 5 song comes on. That. Voice. I was thinking the other day that if I were to go on the show "The Voice" I would have a hard time choosing between Adam Levine and Usher (Assuming that I'd be picked by both of them because my voice is just that good). On the one hand, I am very attracted to Adam, and not that I've watched the show, but I'm pretty sure he's already won a season. But on the other hand, Usher did create an 18 year old, world famous, many mistake making, pop music singing, egg throwing, successful, dancing douche bag named Justin Bieber.... and that is quite a resume. Sorry about that rant but that's what happens when I start talking about Adam Levine.
George Clooney- You silver fox you. He's living proof that you can become more attractive as you age.
Banksy- (Borrowed from Salon.com) Looks are overrated. Not that Bansky is a bad-looking guy. It’s just that we don’t know – or particularly care. This fall, the British graffiti artist/full-time provocateur took his act to New York City and rapidly became the biggest thing to hit the town since the cronut ... In short, he had fun. He reminded the art world that making things is supposed to be joyful and subversive and weird, and he let the whole great unwashed denizens of the city in on the joke. We wouldn’t know you if we passed you on the street, Banksy, but you’re a good time. And that is very, very sexy.
Justin Timberlake- Admit it, you never thought the bleached permed hair guy from N'sync was going to go anywhere after the boy band. Look who's laughing now! Sing to me JT!
Zac Efron- Definitely didn't expect him to ever make my list, but that permanently changed when I literally bumped into his tan, muscular.... strong.... tan.... amazing.... hot.... strong arms. He's 10 times sexier in person. When I bumped him, he apologized to me. I took it as a marriage proposal. We're engaged now.
Shemar Moore- To everyone who says nothing is impossible.... try to find an unattractive picture of Shemar and then get back to me. This man has it all. And he's 40+ years old. Hot. Damn.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt- I don't know why I love JGL so much. Maybe it's how adorable he is in 500 Days of Summer. Or maybe it's his mysterious sexiness in Inception. Or maybe it's his scary, poorly done eyebrows that weirdly resemble Bruce Willis in Looper. Who cares. He's on my list. Remember when JGL went through that ugly phase? Neither do I.
Anyone famous with a british accent
And I thought I'd add.... Definitely NOT Juan Pablo- the current Bachelor on ABC. I'm so sick of people saying how sexy he is. I think he resembles a (very fit) potato. He is fake and not very sexy. Let the all the crazy women fight over him. I'll remain unimpressed by ABC's choice of Bachelor. #StillTeamZak
So that about sums it up. My list of dream men that will never be my Valentine. I'm gonna go eat some chocolate now.... and cry.
*Also... Blogger did not notify me that I had forgotten to add an "e" in the title of Sexiest Men so it would have been Sexist Men... totally different meanings.... Thanks for not catching that Blogger.*
Anyone famous with a british accent
And I thought I'd add.... Definitely NOT Juan Pablo- the current Bachelor on ABC. I'm so sick of people saying how sexy he is. I think he resembles a (very fit) potato. He is fake and not very sexy. Let the all the crazy women fight over him. I'll remain unimpressed by ABC's choice of Bachelor. #StillTeamZak
So that about sums it up. My list of dream men that will never be my Valentine. I'm gonna go eat some chocolate now.... and cry.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Shredding The Gnar (from a beginner's perspective)
"I don't always shred the gnar, but when I do, it's usually the gnar that shreds me." -Me
This morning I woke up so sore that I literally had to flop out of bed and I was reminded of what I did to my body yesterday out of free will. Snowboarding. My neck is sore sore that I have trouble holding my head up. I had to pathetically crawl into my bed last night and flop around trying to get comfortable because I was too sore to control normal muscle movements. There are only a few times I say I'm so sore that my cells hurt and snowboarding is one of them. It's like, "Man, I think I bruised my nucleus on that last fall." The only bruises you should have after snowboarding are on your knees, tailbone, and elbows. I, however, have bruises on my knees, tailbone, back of my head, hips, shoulder blades, and calfs (which I don't really understand how I made that happen). They teach you to fall on your elbows and forearms instead of your wrists, but you know what? I don't have time to think about the proper way to tumble down the slope when my board decides to go left and my body says right. One thing I know is that the only other time the bruises on my knees have been this bad was when I slipped on a squished grape in the grocery store while trying to buy wine, and I was glared at like I was an incompetent baby giraffe. (When I picture myself falling, I picture a baby giraffe learning how to walk on its stilt legs because being tall, I also have stilt legs that account for 80% of my height. It's fitting really)
So anyway, I like to snowboard, if that's what you call what I do. And I must admit, after actually taking a class that sort of taught me how to properly snowboard, I can actually say I'm an expert (at the beginner level)
Snowboarding school is supposed to teach you how to board perfectly and then send you on your way to conquer black diamonds, but really it teaches you some tricks and then sends you out on your own to be left hoping that everyone else signed their safety waiver. Or, if you were like the mom in our class, you end up getting to the top of the hill only to slide on your butt, out of control, to the bottom while the instructor looks helplessly on, debating if it's worth chasing after a lost cause or if she should stay with the rest of the freak show she calls her class. She chose us. We all watched the mom clatter to the bottom managing to take out a few snow-making machines on the way. Let's just say her lesson was cut short.
This morning I woke up so sore that I literally had to flop out of bed and I was reminded of what I did to my body yesterday out of free will. Snowboarding. My neck is sore sore that I have trouble holding my head up. I had to pathetically crawl into my bed last night and flop around trying to get comfortable because I was too sore to control normal muscle movements. There are only a few times I say I'm so sore that my cells hurt and snowboarding is one of them. It's like, "Man, I think I bruised my nucleus on that last fall." The only bruises you should have after snowboarding are on your knees, tailbone, and elbows. I, however, have bruises on my knees, tailbone, back of my head, hips, shoulder blades, and calfs (which I don't really understand how I made that happen). They teach you to fall on your elbows and forearms instead of your wrists, but you know what? I don't have time to think about the proper way to tumble down the slope when my board decides to go left and my body says right. One thing I know is that the only other time the bruises on my knees have been this bad was when I slipped on a squished grape in the grocery store while trying to buy wine, and I was glared at like I was an incompetent baby giraffe. (When I picture myself falling, I picture a baby giraffe learning how to walk on its stilt legs because being tall, I also have stilt legs that account for 80% of my height. It's fitting really)
So anyway, I like to snowboard, if that's what you call what I do. And I must admit, after actually taking a class that sort of taught me how to properly snowboard, I can actually say I'm an expert (at the beginner level)
Snowboarding school is supposed to teach you how to board perfectly and then send you on your way to conquer black diamonds, but really it teaches you some tricks and then sends you out on your own to be left hoping that everyone else signed their safety waiver. Or, if you were like the mom in our class, you end up getting to the top of the hill only to slide on your butt, out of control, to the bottom while the instructor looks helplessly on, debating if it's worth chasing after a lost cause or if she should stay with the rest of the freak show she calls her class. She chose us. We all watched the mom clatter to the bottom managing to take out a few snow-making machines on the way. Let's just say her lesson was cut short.
I guess I can't really talk though because Cecylia and I's first snowboarding experience was more than horrendous.
Last year was the first time we snowboarded and we decided to teach ourselves. Bad idea. For some reason, we believed we could manage any movement while having the board strapped to both our feet verses having one free to steer the board. This didn't work because the first time I stood up from the sitting position with the board, I tipped completely over and basically did a face-plant and slid partway down the bunny hill on my stomach. Also, we didn't really practice riding the board before we decided to get on the ski lift, which you are definitely supposed to do. Definitely.
Being older, the lift operator automatically assumes you are skilled enough to ride the lift with a 9 year old snowboarder in training. There are a couple of things wrong with this assumption. First, I am not skilled enough to get off the lift with a tiny person next to me... I will probably plow them over. Second, the 9 year old was teaching me how to sit on the lift properly... there's something wrong with that. And third, did I mention that this is my first time ever on a snowboard. Did you not just see me crawl on my hands and knees through the lift line? Really, the only thing good about having a ski schooler with you is that you can tell the lift operator at the end to slow down the lift for the little kid so they can get off easier (when really it's you who needs them to slow down the lift). Let me tell you, getting off the lift is the most adrenaline-charged exhilarating moment when snowboarding... and in the most unhealthy-for-your-heart-and-health way possible. It's about 3-5 seconds of sheer terror because you are at the mercy of the board.
It didn't matter how slow the lift chair was moving though, I ran into the red fence poles at the end of the lift and wiped out anyways. To make matters worse, we wore these bright pink fluffy hats which would have been cool if we were good. Instead it just drew the wandering eye's attention to just how bad we were. Sometimes that wandering eye was the first-aid ski patrol.
I could bore you with stories about how bad I probably looked going down the slopes, half the time wiping out and the other half praying I didn't wipe out, but I don't want to relive painful, painful memories. This year was much better though. I actually managed to do multiple S-curves down the green level hills. It's a start, okay? This year, I only spent 30% of the time falling, 50% hoping I didn't fall, and 20% actually "shredding the gnar".
But someday I will be Shaun White. Someday I will spend 100% of the time shredding the gnar. Someday
Last year was the first time we snowboarded and we decided to teach ourselves. Bad idea. For some reason, we believed we could manage any movement while having the board strapped to both our feet verses having one free to steer the board. This didn't work because the first time I stood up from the sitting position with the board, I tipped completely over and basically did a face-plant and slid partway down the bunny hill on my stomach. Also, we didn't really practice riding the board before we decided to get on the ski lift, which you are definitely supposed to do. Definitely.
Being older, the lift operator automatically assumes you are skilled enough to ride the lift with a 9 year old snowboarder in training. There are a couple of things wrong with this assumption. First, I am not skilled enough to get off the lift with a tiny person next to me... I will probably plow them over. Second, the 9 year old was teaching me how to sit on the lift properly... there's something wrong with that. And third, did I mention that this is my first time ever on a snowboard. Did you not just see me crawl on my hands and knees through the lift line? Really, the only thing good about having a ski schooler with you is that you can tell the lift operator at the end to slow down the lift for the little kid so they can get off easier (when really it's you who needs them to slow down the lift). Let me tell you, getting off the lift is the most adrenaline-charged exhilarating moment when snowboarding... and in the most unhealthy-for-your-heart-and-health way possible. It's about 3-5 seconds of sheer terror because you are at the mercy of the board.
It didn't matter how slow the lift chair was moving though, I ran into the red fence poles at the end of the lift and wiped out anyways. To make matters worse, we wore these bright pink fluffy hats which would have been cool if we were good. Instead it just drew the wandering eye's attention to just how bad we were. Sometimes that wandering eye was the first-aid ski patrol.
I could bore you with stories about how bad I probably looked going down the slopes, half the time wiping out and the other half praying I didn't wipe out, but I don't want to relive painful, painful memories. This year was much better though. I actually managed to do multiple S-curves down the green level hills. It's a start, okay? This year, I only spent 30% of the time falling, 50% hoping I didn't fall, and 20% actually "shredding the gnar".
But someday I will be Shaun White. Someday I will spend 100% of the time shredding the gnar. Someday
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